A very Merry And PIPPIN! Christmas
by Reasonably crazy
Summary: A humorous account of the Fellowship going Christmas caroling. Gandalf grumbles, they all sing, to the dismay of their neighbors. Funnier than it sounds because I'm tired. Ch. 10 up soon!
1. Here we go a caroling

A/N- yeah, I got bored. Right before Christmas. So this may be a Christmas story right into the New Year. Oh well. Yes, it's common day, yes, it's not politically correct. You don't like it, feel free to yell at me.  
  
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"Come ON Gandalf. Christmas is closer than 'just around the corner-' we're on the same sidewalk about to collide!"  
  
"This will be our last chance this year. PLEASE come?"  
  
"Pippin, Merry, for the final time: I have absolutely NO interest in coming Christmas caroling with you!"  
  
"Why don't you want to come, Gandalf?" Legolas asked innocently. "The snow is falling, it's not all that windy, we haven't gone in years-"  
  
"With good reason, I might add!" Gandalf snapped.  
  
"Most of them neighbors are moved away!" Sam protested.  
  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssse, Gandalf?" Frodo asked his big blue eyes even bigger and bluer than usual as he donned his puppy face.  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
"I'm with Gandalf," Gimli said, standing next to the wizard. "Dwarves do not sing Christmas carols in the cold wet snow. Dwarves stay in the nice warm house and drink many alcoholic beverages!"  
  
"Gimli, Gandalf," Aragorn stepped in. "The weather is better than it has been in years. And if you come caroling with us this year, you don't have to next year."  
  
The two anti-carolists considered the offer. "Promise?"  
  
"Promise," All the pro-carolists chimed in, more or less in unison. (Merry and Pippin said it rather quickly, causing Gandalf and Gimli to look at them uneasily.)  
  
"Well, alright," Gimli said at last. "As long as I don't need to dress like THAT-" He gestured to Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and Legolas, all of whom sported Santa hats (With the exception of Pippin, who instead proudly wore flashing reindeer antlers). Each of them had donned copious amounts of other seasonal clothing, as well.  
  
"Agreed," Aragorn soothed. "Gandalf, now that we've got Gimli, you're coming too. You don't need to dress up or anything."  
"Oh, okay," Gandalf grumbled. "The things I put up with for you..."  
  
"YAY!!!" All of the Hobbits and the single Elf cried.  
  
"Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas." Gimli gave them a strange look. "You take this season FAR too seriously."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay, what song's first?" Sam asked as they neared their first house.  
  
"We Wish You A Merry Christmas!" Merry shouted immediately. He brought himself up proudly. "It's got my name in it."  
  
"Alright, fine," Gimli grumbled. "Let's just get this over with."  
  
And so the popular song began, Merry shouting his name loudly at the appropriate times.  
  
"We wish you a MERRY Christmas, we wish you a MERRY Christmas, we wish you a MERRY Christmas, and a happy New Year!"  
  
At least, that's how the song went for the most part. Someone wasn't getting all the words right, and so those not making the mistake began to sing more quietly in order to discover the culprit. Finally, on the last round of the chorus, it was made clear.  
  
"We wish you a MERRY Christmas, (Merry still shouted his name) we wish you a MERRY Christmas, we wish you a MERRY Christmas, and a PIPPIN New Year!"  
  
"Pippin!" Merry and Sam cried accusingly while Frodo and the rest laughed (Excepting Gimli and Gandalf, who were behind everyone else sulking).  
  
"What?" Pippin asked as he received his candy cane from the nice but confused lady who had been listening. "Merry's got HIS name in; I thought it was only fair. Thank you, ma'am!"  
  
"Hey, my name wasn't in one either," Legolas whined teasingly as they walked to the next house.  
  
"Nor mine!" Aragorn pretended to pout.  
  
"I want my name in a song," Frodo complained. (Nobody was really sure if he was joking or not, so Sam coughed and changed the subject).  
  
Everyone agreed that 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer' was a suitable next song, and as it was familiar to many the listeners even joined in... but soon got lost.  
  
"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Aragorn" Aragorn started loudly. Everyone chuckled but continued. "Comet and Cupid and Donder and Legolas," Legolas' voice called. More chuckles. "But do you recaaaaall, the most famous reindeer of aaaalllllll- (Dun-dun-duuuun" Merry and Pippin supplied). "FRODO-!" Everyone sang through their laughter, "The red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose! (Like a lightbulb!!!)" Everyone snickered at the thought of Frodo with a bright red nose. "And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows." ("Like a Flashlight!" Merry and Pippin screamed). "All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names! (Like Bigfoot!)" Everyone laughed at the inside Hobbit-joke. "They never let poor FRODO, join in any reindeer games! Then one foggy Christmas Eve, GANDALF came to say-" ("NOT FUNNY!" Gandalf shouted) "Frodo with your nose so bright! Won't you guide my sleigh tonight! Then all the reindeer loved him, as the shouted out with glee- (YIPPEE!!!) Frodo, the Red-nosed Reindeer, you'll go down in Historeeeeeeeeeee! (LIKE THE OLD TOOK!)" Merry and Pippin finished with flourish.  
  
They all, even Gimli (though not Gandalf) broke out into hysterical laughter, not even noticing that their listeners had dashed inside, slammed the door, and were peeking out the curtains to see if they'd left yet.  
  
"Let's sing a nice peaceful song now," Sam recommended as they got to the next block. (Somehow everyone else on the previous one was not at home, even though they could have sworn they saw lights on in each and every one of them before they had started singing).  
  
"O Holy Night?" Legolas suggested.  
  
There was a general shrug of assent, and they began. "O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining! 'Tis the night of our dear Savior's birth. Long lay the world, in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth! Um, mumble muuum-ble mumble, mumble mumbuuuuul, mum-bul mum-bul, mumble mumble mumble! Faaaaaaalll on your kneeeeeees! O hear the angel voices! O Niiiiiiiiiight devine! O night, when Christ was born. Um, mumble, mumbuuuuuuulll, O night! O night devine!"  
  
"Um, let's skip the second verse," Aragorn suggested, "as we don't even know all the words to the first one."  
  
"Yes, let's" Gandalf said sarcastically.  
  
"Sorry you had to go through that!" Frodo shouted to the closed door.  
  
"Oh, come on." Gimli grabbed his arm and dragged him away.  
  
"Okay, this time a song we ALL know," Gandalf ordered. "We don't want to be excommunicated from the neighborhood just because we sing poorly."  
  
"Jingle Bells, then" Sam said.  
  
"Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh, over the fields we go, laughing all the way! (HO HO HO!) Bells on bobtails ring, making spirits bright, what fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight!! Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way!! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh! (HEY!!) (GO BILL!" Sam cried earnestly). Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh!"  
  
At least, that's how the song went for the most part. Underneath the common words of the melody, some that weren't exactly the same were being sung.  
  
"Jingle bells, Sauron smells, Gandalf has a staff! He'll turn Sam unnatural well the rest just sit and laugh! Jingle bells, In Rivendell, Elrond cannot smile! Let's watch Pippin try to fight- hey look a Hobbit pile!"  
  
"Gimli!" All the Hobbits shouted plaintively as all the others howled with laughter (even Gandalf).  
  
"Hey, you guys were right!" Gimli grinned. "I AM having fun!"  
  
"I pick the next song," Frodo said, glaring at Gimli as they moved on. "Let's sing... Frosty the Snowman."  
  
"Ahh... I don't know the words.  
  
"Me neither. Can we sing Jingle Bells again?"  
  
"NO, Gimli."  
  
"I know!" Frodo announced. "Gandalf Got Run Over By A Reindeer!"  
  
"What?" Gandalf cried. "No! No way!"  
  
Unfortunately, the suggestion was met with great approval from the rest and Gandalf could do little else as the rest publicly embarrassed him. The song had been created long ago by the rest of them, and to Gandalf's relief it had been forgotten over time. Until now.  
  
Frodo and Sam started out. "Gandalf got run over by a reindeer, walking from the Shire Christmas eve. You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Sam we believe."  
  
They took up the first verse together. "He'd been smokin' too much pipe weed, and we begged him not to leave, but he insisted upon going, then we saw the grisly deed!"  
  
This time it was Legolas and Gimli. "Gandalf got run over by a reindeer, walking from the Shire Christmas eve. You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Gimli we believe."  
  
They all joined in again. "We left him in the dark, too 'fraid to go out now, next mornin' he was covered in hoofprints- hoofprints too small to be a cow's"  
  
Merry and Pippin took it up. "Gandalf got run over by a reindeer, walking from the Shire Christmas eve. You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Pippin we believe!" ("There!" Merry shouted. "Your name's in a song!")  
  
They all sang with gusto. "We all really miss poor Gandalf! He really was a good guy, Even though he'd turn Sam unnatural, and then watch poor ol' Samwise cry! It just isn't Christmas without Gandalf! We miss the fireworks so bright! And even when Merry and Pip stole them, at least it made our hobbit-holes warm at night!" ("See?" Merry yelled. "There's your name again!")  
  
Aragorn took his turn, and Legolas joined in so he wouldn't be alone. "Gandalf got run over by a reindeer, walking from the Shire Christmas eve. You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Strider we believe!"  
  
Gandalf sighed in relief as it got into the final verse. "Christmas dinner's on the table, wrapping paper all over the floor, we're 'splaining to all the guests, that Gandalf's fireworks are no more. This just goes to show ya, that Smokin's bad for you! And always watch out for fat guys, in big red cotton suits!"  
  
The last chorus they did together. "Gandalf got run over by a reindeer, walking from the Shire Christmas eve. You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for every one of us, we believe!!!"  
  
The people listening at the doors, their neighbors, people across the street, and even people from the previous block that weren't at come burst into tremendous applause, and the Fellowship found themselves being peppered with candy canes.  
  
"All RIGHT!" Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and Legolas all gave each other high fives and high tens. (Well, high for the Hobbits, low for Legolas).  
  
"Can we go home now?" Gandalf groaned.  
  
"I suppose we've got to," Sam said, "Seein' as everyone's 'eard us sing now."  
  
"It's all okay," Legolas announced. "I'm satisfied. And I'll make hot chocolate for everyone."  
  
"Really?" Everyone, the Hobbits in particular, looked at the Elf hopefully. If there was one thing he could do right, it was make hot chocolate.  
  
"Yup. And I'll use the big mugs."  
  
"REALLY really?" The Hobbits' eyes got huge. "We love you to death, Legolas."  
  
"So much," Pippin said reverently, "That I promise to not call you Leggy, Leg-less, Leggers, Nancer, Prancer, or any other detrimental name until after New Years."  
  
Everyone stared at Pippin in shock.  
  
"What? It's the Christmas season; I can be generous."  
  
"THAT is what I call a good deal," Legolas announced, and they all walked through the cheers back home.  
  
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Okay, so that's it. Or is it? I might continue on, but it's 11:00 and my dad's getting mad at me. Review and make me happy!!! I'll be happy if you review at all, even if you say my story sucks very naughty things.  
  
Woo- I'm tired. 


	2. Hot chocolate, fanmail, and Santa

To My reviewers: THAAAANK YOOOOUUUUUU! And I tried to keep this in character. Really, I did. Some of you say I did, some of you say I didn't, most of you didn't care. Yay! Thanks for reading anyway! You all get ice cream, because it's yummy, no matter HOW freaking cold it is! Sorry this parts not as funny.  
  
Jewel Valentine: no more cough syrup for you- I don't care HOW bad your throat hurts! Just kidding! Thanks for reviewing! (  
  
Rachel: Thank you for making me happy! And yes, Pippin and Legolas are the best. WOOT!!!  
  
AshNight2: yes, this is definitely a "*word I can't say because this is rated G* it" story. Glad you like it!  
  
Emerald Griffin: Yay! I was going for cute and funny! This second chapter's not as good, but... Too bad.  
  
Szhismine: Glad I made you laugh! This makes Jackie happy!!! (  
  
The Lady of Light: Yup, here's more! I'm glad you liked my songs- I'm very proud of me for making them up when I was so freaking tired. Thank you for making me happy!  
  
Jazmin 3 Firewing: Ah, well, I tried to stay in character, but I being me did what I do... Whatever that is. Glad you liked Gimli's song!  
  
Elf-in-wonderland: That's the first time I ever tried to make LOTR songs... I'm glad you think they worked out!!!  
  
Window Girl: More story, as ordered. I'm sorry if the hot chocolate scene doesn't live up to your expectations... I'm glad you think that I did all right with the character interaction! Cheers!  
  
The Last Evenstar: Cool! You showed up! Yay!  
  
Pot clover: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Merry Christmas to you, too!  
  
Erestor: As you'll see in this chapter, Gandalf was not exactly persuaded. But it just sucks to be him, doesn't it. Thanks for enjoying my Frodo the red-nosed reindeer!  
  
Stephanie: hehe- I sang that in church tonight when our Pastor insisted that we sing it. I got a few strange looks.  
  
Katja: Um, yes, I've read one Bagender's story... The one where they join the scouts. Hehehe- I wish I was that brilliant, I'm glad you think I'm at least close!  
  
N need of a pint- cool screen name, first off. Thanks for coming! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Admit it, Gandalf," Frodo said sternly, shaking snowflakes off his hair (And onto Sam, who complained loudly). "You had fun."  
  
"Fun? FUN?" Gandalf seemed to almost grow. "My DEAR Hobbit, I most certainly did NOT have what you choose to call 'fun.'"  
  
"Why not?" Merry asked innocently.  
  
"What was there to like?" Gandalf turned and sullenly marched to HIS chair- 'his' meaning no one else was allowed to sit in it. A rule that was violated daily. "It was cold, not a single song went over well- oh wait! One did! The one where I was PUBLICLY RIDICULED!!!"  
  
"Everyone loved that song, Gandalf," Pippin said cheerfully. "You're famous now!"  
  
"Not in the way I'd like," The wizard grumbled, falling onto his chair.  
  
"I'll have you know I, despite my preliminary misgivings, had a wonderful time!" Gimli, having shed his coat, came in and seated himself in a well-used armchair.  
  
"Traitor," Gandalf muttered. He shifted in his seat, reached down into the cushions, and pulled out hairbrush triumphantly. "LEGOLAS! You've been in my chair again!"  
  
"Sorry, Gandalf," The Elf said cheerfully, bringing out a gigantic mug. "Here, hot chocolate, made exactly the way you like it best." He served it to him with flourish.  
  
Gandalf took a sip. "Mmmm! It's really good." He glared at Legolas over the rim of the mug. "You're not forgiven."  
  
"If I recall, I'm not forgiven for the last million times, either," Legolas called back as he headed to the kitchen, not in the least bit perturbed.  
  
"Blast!" Gimli muttered suddenly. "Did anyone else think to get firewood?"  
  
There was a collective shaking of heads.  
  
"It's not a problem," Legolas called, walking out with Merry and Pippin's cocoa. The Hobbits were overjoyed to see him bearing mugs the size of their heads.  
  
"Did you put in the peppermint?" Pippin challenged as he accepted it.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"AND the Irish Cream?" Merry added.  
  
"Yup. And it's even got the mini snowman marshmallows, too."  
  
"Legolas, you're the best," Merry had the consideration to say; he'd taken into account what Pippin had not: the water was hot.  
  
"My thung! My thung is buwned!"  
  
Once everyone took the time to laugh at Pippin, they got back to what had been at one time the subject.  
  
"Legolas, why exactly-" Aragorn had to wait, as the Elf had returned to the kitchen to retrieve Frodo and Sam's beverages. "Why exactly is the fact that-"  
  
Legolas returned to the kitchen, and Aragorn had to wait until he brought out Gimli's hot chocolate.  
  
"Legolas, why exactly is the fact that we-"  
  
Aragorn sighed in irritation as the Elf returned to the kitchen.  
  
"Legolas, why exactly is the fact that we have no-" Aragorn managed to get that much out as he accepted his mug and watched the Elf return to the kitchen once again.  
  
"Aragorn, were you saying something?" Legolas asked casually as he returned to the main room, sipping a large mug of his own.  
  
Aragorn remained wordless for a moment, grinding his teeth in frustration. "Yes!" He said at last. "Why is the fact that we have no fire wood not a problem?"  
  
"No firewood?" Pippin asked in dismay, having recently recovered use of his burned tongue. "But- but- we ALWAYS have a fire during Christmas!"  
  
"Like I said, it's not a problem," Legolas assured. Without even pausing to put down his mug, he dashed up the stairs, and a few moments later came back down lugging a bag large enough to accommodate an elephant rather comfortably.  
  
"What is THAT?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"All the fan mail I've gotten since the last Bonfire season." Legolas calmly dropped the bag (Well, ceased to pull it, as it was at least three times as tall as him and there was no way it could be lifted off the ground without a crane) by the fireplace and took a sip of his hot chocolate, having successfully not spilled a drop.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me, I've got some too," Pippin volunteered. He hurried up the stairs and, after a brief moment, came down wrestling with a bag that wasn't as large as Legolas', but still unnaturally gigantic. He, lacking in Elvish grace, stumbled and fell down the stairs during the return trip, landed in an uncomfortable sprawl at the base, and then groaned as the following bag fell atop him.  
  
Gandalf and Gimli stared in shock, not bothering to help Aragorn and Merry dig poor Pippin out. "You guys get that much fan mail?"  
  
"It doesn't surprise me," Frodo said, shrugging. "I get about as much as Pippin, too."  
  
"As do I," Aragorn agreed. "Well, a bit less than Legolas."  
  
"I get a little less than Pippin," Sam confessed. "... Okay, maybe a lot less. What's your point?"  
  
"I don't get half as much as Pippin," Merry said, sounding almost sulky as he pulled his dazed cousin to his feet.  
  
"Well, you're not as brilliant, funny, or as good looking as me, are you?" Pippin asked. "OW! Paper cut." He put the damaged finger in his mouth, and Merry rolled his eyes.  
  
Gimli and Gandalf stared, mouths agape. "I don't get any, do you?" The wizard asked, turning to his considerably shorter companion.  
  
"I got one once," Gimli confessed, "But it was from some guy talking about sourdough bread..."  
  
"It's okay," Aragorn assured them. "It's not really something you'd enjoy. It's mostly a bunch of pre-teen rabid Fangirls telling you over and over again how hot you look."  
  
"The first four or five are cool," Pippin confessed, struggling diligently to coax his mug into somehow filling itself with more hot chocolate. "But when you get that many-" he waved vaguely towards the bags- "they really become a bit of a pain." He sighed and put his mug on the table, admitting defeat.  
  
"How come I never get girls telling me I look hot?" Gimli whined.  
  
Everyone stared at him wordlessly.  
  
"What? WHAT?!"  
  
The others immediately became remarkably interested in something else, leaving Gimli to sulk.  
  
"I reckon it's too late to light that fire now," Sam said regrettably, looking at the clock.  
  
"What? No, it's only 12:30," Merry insisted.  
  
"12:30?" Everyone repeated instantly.  
  
"It's CHRISTMAS!!!!!!" Legolas and the Hobbits immediately began skipping about the room, leaving Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli, to hide for their lives' sake.  
  
"Oh, someone have mercy..." Gandalf muttered.  
  
Aragorn stepped in to save them all. "You had all better get to bed before Santa comes."  
  
The merry-makers froze, mortified.  
  
"You're right!" Legolas screeched. "He could be here any moment!"  
  
"To bed! To bed!" Frodo called frantically. "Sam, you get his cookies! Merry, you get his milk! Pippin, you get his Budweiser- I'll get the chips."  
  
It was an amazingly short time later that the room was Elf and Hobbit free.  
  
Gimli sighed. "You know, that really is pathetic."  
  
Aragorn nodded. "Be thankful while it lasts though- they could figure it out any time now."  
  
Gandalf snorted to show that somehow he doubted it. "Okay then. I was ready to go to bed a long time ago. Let's eat the food, stuff the gifts under the tree, and get to bed!"  
  
Everyone nodded, and within a half hour everyone was fast asleep.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N- yeah yeah, I know Elves don't sleep, but it's MY story and I can do whatever I darn well please with it! Christmas is tomorrow (literally)- I hope to write about their Christmas then! 


	3. To wake a sleeping King And Dwarf And Wi...

A/N- You're favorite author called Reasonably Crazy here. It's is officially 11:02 Christmas night and I am beginning chapter three of my Holiday fanfic, listening to track... 4 (One of the coolest) of the ROTK soundtrack. I have spent the day (when not at my cousin's house) playing my newly acquired ROTK chess set, my new LOTR Trivial Pursuit game (which is rather pointless, as I'm the only fan in my family), reading my book of LOTR maps, and watching the behind-the-scenes thingy of ROTK. Again. Life is good.  
  
Thank you to all 6 people who reviewed chapter two!  
  
Emerald Griffin: Thanks for coming back, and telling me that you still like it! I hope it continues to live up to your expectations!  
  
Gollum Girl: Woot! Thank you!!!  
  
Permanently Unhinged: Yes, I can relate. (To your screen-name, I mean). Please read and enjoy!  
  
Silver Knight 7: Thanks! You too!  
  
Jewel Valentine: alright... Fine. HAVE YOUR COUGH SYRUP! SEE IF I CARE!! Mmmm.. Mint chocolate kisses. You reviewed. Again. So you can have one. And don't worry about the snorting thing- In the presence of a rather cute guy I laughed, snorted, and had cantaloupe come out my nose. Ow. He hasn't talked to me since, and runs when he sees me in the hall.  
  
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"Aragorn..."  
  
There she was, Arwen, more beautiful than ever.  
  
"Aragorn, come here. I have a gift for you."  
  
Smiling, Aragorn complied. "A gift? What kind of gift?"  
  
"SNOOOOOOOW!!!!" Without any warning, Arwen flung a huge, sopping, freezing cold snowball at his face, apparently trying to see how much she could get up his nose to freeze his brain and perhaps cause permanent damage.  
  
With that lovely, lasting image, Aragorn woke to see the Hobbits and the Elf standing by his bed, most completely dissolved into fits of laughter. "WHAT did you do that for?" He demanded, trying to scrape the icy slop of his face without completely drenching his bed.  
  
"Sorry, Strider," Sam said, the only one present who seemed to really be sorry at all. "But we tried and tried to get you to wake up, only you wouldn't, and-"  
  
"And you saw fit to dump snow on my face."  
  
Frodo, Merry, and Pippin were too far gone in hilarity to say anything, so Legolas stepped in. "That would sum it up rather well."  
  
"Your- your FACE!" Pippin gasped from the floor, where he, Merry, and Frodo had fallen when standing proved to be too much in addition to laughing and breathing.  
  
"You should've seen it," Merry struggled to get out.  
  
"You SHOULD see it!" Frodo looked at Aragorn and started laughing all over again.  
  
A pounding sound came from the wall. "Could you keep it down, Laddie? SOME of us are trying to sleep!"  
  
Aragorn considered apologizing to Gimli, but decided he didn't have the energy to shout all the way through the wall. He did, apparently, have enough energy to shout at them. "WHY did you find it necessary to wake me up at-" He checked the digital clock by his bed. "4:00! Dear deity- You went to bed three hours ago! What are you doing up NOW?"  
  
"It's Christmas!" Merry said, as though it was plainly obvious.  
  
"And it will still be Christmas in five hours." Aragorn fell back onto his bed, and a faint squishing was heard as his head struck the wet pillow. He flung it at Legolas, who happened to be nearest, and pulled the damp blankets over his head.  
  
"Five hours!" Pippin repeated in shock. "You want to wait until... Until..."  
  
"Nine O' clock," Frodo supplied.  
  
"You want to wait until nine O' clock?!" Pippin finished in disbelief.  
  
A muffled groan came from beneath the covers. "Six. But no earlier, alright?"  
  
He was met with a sulky silence.  
  
Another groan, more forceful this time. "Fine, fine. We're waiting until six, but you can raid your stockings now."  
  
"YAAAAY!!!!" A thundering of footsteps, then silence. Aragorn carefully pulled his head out from beneath the blankets; no Hobbits nor Elves to be seen. He sighed in relief and went back to sleep, damp bed, pillow-less, and all. Who cared? Maybe he'd have another dream about Arwen... With NO snow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
...  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
...  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaragorn."  
  
"Mph."  
  
"Aragorn Aragorn Aragorn."  
  
"Mmmmphugg. Leemeelone."  
  
"Elessar. Estel. Strider. Aaaaaaaaaragorn."  
  
"Uuunggwagh. Whaaat?"  
  
"It's six. You promised."  
  
"Mmmmph. Did I?" He rolled over and attempted to hide himself more deeply in his blanket cocoon.  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
No answer.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaragorn."  
  
Still no reply.  
  
"Pippin's getting the snow as we speak."  
  
That worked. "Alright, alright, I'm up." He looked to see who exactly it was that pulled him from another Arwen dream, which in all likelihood involved things that are not suitable for a G rating.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"No, this is Gollum. Yes, of course I'm Legolas."  
  
Aragorn groaned and shook his head. "You take this stuff far too seriously. I don't envy you when you try to wake up Gandalf and Gimli."  
  
"Oh, not to worry- I made Pippin wake up Gandalf, and Frodo and Merry are attempting to wake up Gimli while Sam makes breakfast."  
  
"You put two on Gimli while Gandalf is more likely to kill someone?"  
  
"Well, Gimli's a lot harder to wake up."  
  
"I see. You say Sam's making breakfast?" The two wandered downstairs.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Gimli, come ON. Wake UP!!!" Merry and Frodo, having tried countless times to bring the Dwarf back to the world of the living, finally sank to the floor in exhaustion.  
  
"You know what, Merry?" Frodo said at a length. "I'm beginning to believe he's dead."  
  
They both stared at Gimli for a while, watching for signs of breathing.  
  
Merry paused. "Do you really think?"  
  
"Do you see him breathing?"  
  
"Well, no, but he's also wearing his armor- that probably doesn't move to easily just by breathing."  
  
"According to him he blew the horn at Helm's Deep. That takes lungs. Don't you think you'd be able to move a piece of plate armor after something like that?"  
  
Another pause. Merry stood up. "I'm getting Aragorn and Legolas."  
  
Before Merry reached the door, however, a terrific roaring sound ripped from the bed.  
  
"HOLY COW!!" Frodo ran to Merry and hid behind him.  
  
"What? Why am I your shield?"  
  
"Because... Because I'm the Ring-bearer and I need to be protected!"  
  
"You're not the Ring-bearer anymore!" Merry spun around and got behind Frodo.  
  
"Well, I'm disabled!" Frodo displayed his missing finger and shoved Merry in front of him.  
"So?" Merry struggled to get behind Frodo again.  
  
"Wait, wait- the roaring's stopped!"  
  
They paused, listening, and sure enough it was silent. Just then, another terrific noise came from beneath the blankets; this time the two held their ground.  
  
"Um, Frodo? I'm pretty sure that Gimli's not dead."  
  
"You mean that beastly sound is him SNORING?"  
  
Merry's reply was drowned by another deafening snore.  
  
"Well, make it STOP!" Frodo put his hands over his ears, trying to dull the noise.  
  
"Gimli!" Merry, sick of trying to traditional way to wake the Dwarf up, started jumping on his bed, yanking his beard, and shouting at the top of his lungs. Frodo sat and watched.  
  
Legolas stuck his head through the door. "Having issues?"  
  
Frodo glared. "NOOOOOO. We're just DANDY."  
  
"No need to get all snippy. Have you tried snow?"  
  
"Yes," Frodo shouted over the thump caused by Merry falling off Gimli's bed.  
  
"Ooooowwwwwww..."  
  
Legolas and Frodo didn't so much as glance in Merry's direction.  
  
"I know how to wake him up." Legolas left the room, muttering something about him having to do EVERYTHING, and returned with a pair of scissors.  
  
Gimli, until recently lost deep in slumber, winced as he neared sleep's surface. Somewhere in his dreams of beautiful short, chubby, long- bearded dwarf women, he could have sworn he heard the cold snip of scissors.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Get away from my beard, you- you- CONFOUND YOU, YOU BLASTED ELF!"  
  
Gimli dashed to the bathroom to see how much damage Legolas had done to his beard, while Merry, Frodo, and Legolas laughed.  
  
"We'll be in the kitchen," Merry reported to Gimli when they passed him, Gimli assuring himself that not so much as a whisker was damaged.  
  
"Confounded Elf," Gimli muttered, following them down the stairs. "A merry Christmas indeed- See if I ever trust HIM with scissors again..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pippin slowly walked up to Gandalf's bed, only to see his eyes already staring at him. The hobbit jumped and let out a rather interesting noise (which he later denied ever doing) until he remembered that it was a Gandalf thing and that the grouchy wizard was not, in reality, conscious.  
  
"Gandalf?" he whispered.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Gandalf?" The Hobbit tried again, slightly louder this time.  
  
There was still no reaction.  
  
"GANDALF!" Pippin jumped back quickly, fearing the wizard's wrath. However, Gandalf gave no indication that he knew Pippin was there.  
  
Pippin found himself in a dilemma. If he woke Gandalf suddenly, he risked being killed with whatever was handy before the wizard was actually conscious. If he didn't wake Gandalf, none of them could open presents until he woke up on his own- which would most likely be well beyond noon.  
  
Pippin decided to risk death, as any smart person (or Hobbit) would. Now he got to perform in, if not what he was best at, something he was highly, highly skilled in: being annoying.  
  
First attempt: singing. The only song for it, of course, was the Drinking Song.  
  
"Oh oh oh! To the bottle I go! To heal my heart and drown my woe! (Dit dit diddle diddle dit dit!" - He tried to replicate the fiddle, failing rather horribly, but that was okay as he was, in fact, trying to be annoying.) "Oh oh oh! To the bottle I go! To heal my heart, and drown my woe! And under a tall tree I will lie, and there clouds go sailing by... Oh oh oh! To the bottle I go. To heal my heart and drown my woe!"  
  
Gandalf didn't flinch. Pippin, in a burst of rebelliousness, stuck out his tongue, and wondered how he went so long without blinking as he tried to decide what to do next.  
  
Perhaps a less-familiar annoying song, then. "How many elephants can you fit in a room before they break though the floor? Well, the answer my friends, is one, two, three, four, then the elephants will break through the floor."  
  
Still no stir from Gandalf. In irritation, Pippin next belted out the Salt Song. "I do like salt, da na na na na na na! I do like salt, da na na na na na na! I like it in my food! I like it in my soup! I like it! I like it! I like it in my head, yeah! Da na na na na na! Is this a cow? *clap clap* this is a cow! *clap clap* How do I know *clap clap* this is a cow? *clap clap* It mooed! *clap* just now! *clap* That's how! *clap* WOW!"  
  
That was one of the most annoying songs Pippin knew, and still Gandalf did not wake. Perhaps song singing wouldn't do it. Unless...  
  
"Gandalf got run over by a reindeer! Walking from the Shire Christmas eve! You might say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and-"  
  
Moments later, Pippin found himself being chased by a staff-wielding Gandalf.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! MERRY! FRODO! STRIDER, SAM, LEGOLAS, ANYONE! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLP MEEEEEE-"  
  
What would have undoubtedly been a very long and stretched out 'me' was replaced by a series of thumps Gandalf managed to give Pippin a glancing blow, which sent him careening down the steps. Again.  
  
At the base of the steps, a very dazed Pippin tried to stand and escape from the still-attacking Gandalf, but as this proved too difficult after falling dawn a flight of steps, he latched onto the nearest leg and pretended that this would actually help him.  
  
Unfortunately for Legolas, whom Pippin had grabbed, Gandalf labeled him as an accomplice, and attacked him as well. Since his natural Elvish grace and quickness was hampered with his new Hobbit attachment, Legolas promptly fell over, leaving him open for assault.  
  
"What in the dickens is going on?" Aragorn and Gimli dashed out of the kitchen to see a pajama-wearing Gandalf viciously attacking Legolas, who had Pippin firmly affixed to his leg.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Legolas and Pippin had their ice-packs (actually, Legolas had to use bags of frozen peas, as they had run out of ice packs- most of them were for Pippin to use on his falling-down-the-stairs maladies.)  
  
"Okay," Aragorn breathed. "Gandalf, you've calmed down?"  
  
"Humph."  
  
"Good. Legolas, you'll survive?"  
  
"I suppose." The Elf looked almost comical (though no one dared tell him so) as he held a package of frozen peas to his forehead.  
  
"Pippin? The bleeding will stop soon?"  
  
"I hobe do," Pippin held a tissue to his nose with one hand and pinched the bridge of it with the other.  
  
"Great. Someone want to tell me what happened?"  
  
"Leglas dold be do go wage ub Gandalf," Pippin said thickly. "I dried an' dried bud he woul'n't, do I sang Gandalf god run over by a reindeer."  
  
"You know how much I hate the song." Gandalf picked up the story, sounding almost sorry. Almost. "I hadn't woken up yet, so I didn't know what I was doing or why..."  
  
"So are you going to apologize or what?" Legolas said tartly.  
  
"Sorry, Legolas," Gandalf muttered sullenly. "Sorry Pippin."  
  
"Forgiven."  
  
"Forgibden."  
  
Long pause.  
  
"So!" Merry said brightly. "Can we open presents now?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N- more Christmas later. I'll just keep the holiday spirit going' till New Years! Well, maybe not. And if you didn't figure it out, I don't own Lord of the Rings. If I did, you'd know. Oh yes, you'd know. *evil cackle!* Okay, the lyrics to 'Gandalf got run over by a reindeer' are mine, as are the lyrics to Gimli's version of Jingle Bells. Um, the Elephant song is Sesame Street's; the Drinking Song is Tolkien's, the Salt Song is my friend's. Okay, that's enough disclaimers for the day. Most of it is painfully obvious, anyway. Cheers! 


	4. PRESENTS! In January! heh heh

I know I know I know! It's taken me long enough. I haven't updated in AGES. but school started and I was working on my LOTR website called Happy Ring (which is really nifty and you should check it out: ) and then FINALS came and we just got over with them today- but I got nearly 8 more pages written, so I hope you'll forgive me. Late Jan, and we still got the Christmas Spirit going!  
  
To my dandy reviewers: WOOT! YOU'RE COOL!  
  
Emerald Griffin: Yay! Better keep laughing, cuz if you fell over you may have hurt yourself, and as laughter is the best medicine. Okay, that was incredibly lame, but forgive me, I'm drinking a VERY cold milkshake in the middle of winter and my brain is numb.  
  
Pot Clover: Pippin didn't QUITE choose death. just severe maiming. ;) More for ya!  
  
Rachel13: I'll have him get something from you in the mail after Christmas, howzat? Here's more story, and it is indeed WELL after Christmas, so it's all good!  
  
Erestor: . well, displaying a missing finger takes vast amounts of talent, which, erm, we can just pretend Frodo has. :D Waking people up is fun. I've had a lot of practice; I'm a younger sibling. ;)  
  
A-H-A-P: WOOT! Go me! Go you! Go You for saying Go me! Well, you didn't say go ME, you said specifically 'go you,' but, I'm not you so I wouldn't say- yeah. And I'm sure Gimli gets lots of fanmail, he's just supremely fun to make fun of. Muahahaha.  
  
Jewel Valentine: Hehehe- I sang that song while looking at the ZooLights at -gasp- the Zoo, and my mom put about 20 feet in between us! You're right. Gandalf and Pajamas really doesn't work at all. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking. Hehehe- but it's funny!  
  
Hard Habit: WOOT! You rule! And a rather belated 'belated Merry and Pippin Christmas' to you as well!  
  
The Lady of Light: I'm sorry, my Merry Christmas is beyond belated, but please understand that I mean it with all my heart.  
  
Evil Punk: May the Sugar Plum Fairies bless your life!  
  
WillowVilya: *bows in return* Thank you, thank you, no applause, just throw money!  
  
Nightshade: I feel your pain, and I did sort of lie. I DO have another LOTR fan in my family. It's just that she lives in Okinawa, Japan.  
  
The Morrigan three: Yeah, after seeing ROTK and Gandalf's staff wielding your heart really goes out to Pip!  
  
Rinny Leonhart/Rikku: Well, this wasn't exactly SOON, but it was more all the same.  
  
AshNight2: Coolies! I'm glad I've contributed something for both you and your sister to share!  
  
Ithilin Palandiriel: Thanks for your support! And about the Elf sleeping thing. I knew that. *whistles innocently and looks the other way*  
  
Pyro Faerie: Sing "Gandalf Got Run Over By a Reindeer as much as you like. Though I fear it's a tad bit out of season. Who cares? I feel so special!!!  
  
Now, on to the story at last!!!  
  
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Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf must have blinked. One moment the presents were beneath the tree, all perfectly wrapped beneath the Christmas tree lights' warm glow... And the next it looked more like a war zone. Wrapping paper littered the floor, at least half of them had a bow of some sort attached to their heads, and each of them were showing off what Santa had brought.  
  
"I need my coffee." Aragorn muttered, shaking his head. He had become rather addicted to the brew, and could rarely go with less than 5 cups in the morning alone.  
  
"Socks!" Sam cried gleefully, waving them around. "I got socks!"  
  
"What? NOT fair!" The other Hobbits crowded around him enviously. Hobbits, with their abnormally large feet, were difficult to find socks for. Normally socks were an unnecessary bother, but in the cold winter months it was nice to have something to keep feet warm, as sometimes curly hair simply didn't cut it.  
  
"None of the rest of you got socks?" Gandalf asked. "I was sure that I- I mean, SANTA, got each of you a pair."  
  
"Really?" The others looked up hopefully.  
  
"Maybe he left them in my room by mistake." Gandalf hurriedly went upstairs, and Aragorn and Gimli quickly turned on the radio to bury the incriminating sound of rustling paper, snipping scissors, and the pulling and cracking of tape.  
  
Fortunately for those trying to keep the Santa charade alive, the others didn't think to wonder as to why Santa would leave the Hobbits' presents in Gandalf's room, and they continued displaying their spoils.  
  
"Hey. Why did I get gloves with only nine fingers?" Merry displayed a glove, and indeed the index (or middle for you book-readers) was sewn off. "I have a full set."  
  
"And why did I ged a pull ded ob bots and bans?" Pippin asked, all of his P's, T's and S's turning to D's or B's and his F's into P's with his stuffed nose. "I don' cook." ("With good reason," Sam muttered. Pippin glared at him.)  
  
"Why did I get a scarf?" Frodo held one up. "I can't wear them, I have sensitive skin."  
  
"Why've I got a hand towel set that says 'Merry' on them?" Sam asked in confusion.  
  
The Hobbits looked at each other for a moment, and then made the proper switches.  
  
"Thad Sanda," Pippin sighed, lovingly stroking his new fuzzy scarf, "He must hab thad disease thad old people hab. What' id called?"  
  
"Um, starts with an 'A,'" Frodo said absentmindedly, trying on his new gloves.  
  
"Let's ask Gandalf when he comes back down," Sam suggested, hitting an imaginary orc with his new saucepan. "He'd know." He smiled triumphantly as his "foe" was vanquished, noticed Merry giving him a strange look, and hastily put the saucepan away again.  
  
"Where's Legolas?" Aragorn asked suddenly. The others looked around, and indeed the Elf was nowhere to be seen, though wrapping paper marked "Legolas" was strewn all over the floor- a sure sign that he had been there.  
  
"Found the socks!" Gandalf cried triumphantly, coming down the stairs. "Santa must have that disease that old people get."  
  
"We were just talking about that, actually," Merry commented. "What's it called?"  
  
"Hmmm..." Gandalf said thoughtfully. "Starts with an 'A.' I don't quite recall its name."  
  
"I wonder why that might be," Gimli whispered to Aragorn, who smacked the Dwarf but showed he was having distinct difficulty holding a straight face.  
  
"Do YOU know where Leglas is?" Pippin asked, still petting his scarf. He looked rather pleased that his sentence had come out almost flawless.  
  
"Confounded Elf's in the shower," Gandalf grumbled. "Santa must have gotten him all that hair stuff he asked for." Everyone grinned.  
  
"But he'll be another hour," Frodo complained. "We need him to get Aragorn's present."  
  
"My present?" Aragorn repeated in surprise.  
  
"Yes, YOUR present," Sam said, rolling his eyes. "Santa hasn't brought you, Gimli, nor Gandalf neither, one in years."  
  
"So THIS year, we- meaning Legolas, Pip, Frodo, Sam, and I- got presents for you guys instead of depending on Santa." Merry explained.  
  
Pippin sighed. "Bud Leglas hid id somewhere where we can' reach, and we need him do ged it!'  
  
"Sorry there's only one present for you, Strider, and you too, Mr. Gandalf," Sam said apologetically, "but yours was big and cost a bit of a lot..."  
  
"It's fine Sam," Aragorn said, smiling.  
  
Frodo made an interesting noise of irritation. "However, this only matters if Legolas ever gets out of the shower!"  
  
There was a pause, broken only by wafts of Christmas carols drifting from the radio, which they all had neglected to turn off.  
  
"Oh, somebody just go and flush the toilet or something." Gimli laughed. "That'd get him out quick enough."  
  
Pippin's eyes widened in horror. "Nod me! I'b been beaden ub quide enough por one day!"  
  
"It was your idea, Gimli," Merry pointed out. "YOU do it!"  
  
"ME?!" Gimli repeated in shock, this obviously not the way that he had been planning his Christmas morning to go about. "But- but- well, why should I care if Aragorn has to wait another two hours before he gets his present?"  
  
"Because," Merry said, a smirk appearing on his face, "he hid your present, too."  
  
Gimli paused, considering, but then sat back in his chair, shaking his head. "I choose life." Pippin stared at him, mystified.  
  
"You do it, Mr. Gandalf," Sam urged, but the other merely shook his head.  
  
"Aragorn?" Frodo wheedled.  
  
Aragorn laughed. "You clearly weren't there the day I came between him and his hair care."  
  
Everyone stared at one another, unmoving. Unmoving, that is, until Pippin had to get up the get another tissue. They all waited patiently for him to sit back down, and stared at each other again.  
  
"I'll do it," Merry sighed at last, rubbing his burning eyes. I'm smaller and harder to catch than most of you, anyway." He strode up the stairs, only pausing to glare at Gimli, who had been humming the funeral march.  
  
They all waited with baited breath, and sure enough:  
  
"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
"That," Gandalf smirked, "would be Legolas."  
  
"Who? WHO? Wha- MERRY? MERRY WHAT IN THE DICKENS WERE YOU THINKING!!! GET BACK HERE! NOW!"  
  
"How dupid dus he dink Merry is?" Pippin commented.  
  
"Pretty stupid, apparently," Frodo shrugged.  
  
"Legolas- Legolas- now calm down, Legolas. think of what you're doing. Legolas? Put that down Legolas. Legolas? LEGOLAS?" A thump- apparently Merry had dodged. "OH NO!!! LEGOLAS, LOOK!! SPLIT ENDS!!!"  
  
"WHAT?! Where???"  
  
Suddenly Merry was sitting on the couch next to Pippin again.  
  
"Wow!" Sam gushed. "I ain't never seen nobody move that fast, Mr. Merry, and no mistake."  
  
"You've never watched me run from a hair-crazed angry Legolas, now have you?"  
  
"No, not by all rights, but I've seen Pippin run from him right and proper."  
  
"Yeah, bud I was limpding!" Pippin pointed out in an injured tone.  
  
Legolas chose that moment to come down the stairs, his wounds burning bright red where the soap had stung and his shirt was clinging to him. He looked more disheveled than he had when he had woken up that morning.  
  
"Legolas, why didn't you at least wait until the cuts closed?" Aragorn asked reasonably. "It would have hurt a lot less."  
  
Legolas glowered at him. "Hair care waits for no one."  
  
"Ah. Right." Aragorn raised an eyebrow but said nothing else.  
  
"Now, refresh my memory. WHY did you need to flush me out of the shower?"  
  
"We need you to get Aragorn's, Gimli's, and Gandalf's presents!" Frodo said, as though it were plainly obvious.  
  
Legolas sighed and pulled his shirt away from him with a slucking sound. "Why couldn't you just show them where they were and let them get them themselves?"  
  
Merry blinked. "Um, there were too many 'them's right there."  
  
"One, we all need to be in the same room, it's traditional," Sam said firmly.  
  
"Yeah!" Pippin agreed. "An' two, you can'd hab dem ged deir own gifds- thad' jusd ruin id!"  
  
"It sucks being unable to pronounce your 'th's and 't's, doesn't it?" Merry asked, looking at him sideways. Pippin nodded forcefully. "Gandalf, you and all your nifty wizard powers, can't you do something about that?"  
  
Gandalf shrugged. "Probably, but I think it's funny."  
  
"Ga-dauf!" Pippin cried accusingly.  
  
Gandalf sighed. "Alright, alright, fine." He promptly clunked Pippin over the head.  
  
"Hey!" Merry said indignantly on his unconscious cousin's behalf.  
  
Gandalf nudged Pippin's still form with his staff. "Didn't mean to do it that hard."  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes, and Legolas let out a heavy, world-weary sigh. "Since I was so rudely ejected from my normal personal hygiene habits, I may as well grab your presents." Merry and Sam gave him a Look. "What? We'll wait until Pippin wakes up to open them, of course."  
  
Sam looked satisfied, and Merry transferred his Look from Legolas back to Gandalf.  
  
"What? I'm sorry, alright?"  
  
Pippin suddenly stirred. "Really, Gandalf, haven't you done that enough for one day?"  
  
"Well, you can breathe through your nose again, can't you? And that last sentence was perfectly pronounced."  
  
"Hey, cool!!! Thanks, Gandalf!"  
  
Gimli frowned. "He thanks you for knocking him unconscious? Not fair! Hey Pippin, come here."  
  
Pippin stuck his tongue out at Gimli just as Legolas waltzed into the room. Literally.  
  
"Those are, erm, nice dance steps," Frodo told him as Legolas did a fancy little spin and put the presents gently down before performing a high, ballet-like leap and landing perfectly on the couch.  
  
"Thank you," Legolas said in a not-so-modest fashion. "I love being an Elf."  
  
"Show off," Gimli muttered sullenly.  
  
"For Mr. Gandalf," Sam started, reaching for a package and interrupting the Elf's and the Dwarf's bickering.  
  
Gandalf received the large box on his lap and slooooooooooooowly pulled off the wrapping paper, being sure to not tear it at all. Legolas, Merry, Sam, Frodo, and Pippin stared at him in awe.  
  
"How can he restrain himself from just ripping it all off?" Merry whispered into Sam's ear. Sam merely shook his head and stared.  
  
Gandalf peeked inside the box, let out a high, excited, very un-Gandalf- like shriek of excitement (which he later denied all knowledge of ever doing), and fled from the room, carrying his box with him. Moments later he returned, the gift apparently stashed in some secret place.  
  
"Erm, thank you," Gandalf said restrainedly, all dignity returned. "But, how did you know that-"  
  
"Well," said Legolas, shifting as though uncomfortable, "you're very hard to shop for, and so I made Pippin do a little. hunting, and, well, he found your little. shrine."  
  
Gandalf's face darkened a shade, and turned to Pippin, who was apparently trying to become one with the couch cushions.  
  
"Now, now, Gandalf, I made him do it," Legolas said in defense, kindly forgetting that it was because of Pippin that he had until recently held a bag of frozen peas to his forehead.  
  
"Besides," Aragorn put in, "You've definitely got Pippin back."  
  
Pippin nodded, having given up upon blending with the couch. "And you liked your gift!"  
  
Gandalf had to admit this was true, and he returned to his seat.  
  
"Gimli's gift. or gifts, I should say." Frodo lifted up a small rectangular package, as well as two large bottle-shaped ones.  
  
"You didn't!" Gimli eagerly pulled the wrapping of the bottles. "You did!"  
  
"No alcohol until AFTER dinner tonight," Sam warned. Gimli sulkily put the bottle opener that he constantly carried on his person down.  
  
"Open your other one, Gimli!" Merry urged.  
  
Gimli did so. "A gift certificate for Drunkard's Bar and Grill! Yes!"  
  
"Really?" Aragorn and Gandalf leaned forward in interest. "How much?"  
  
Gimli pulled the card to his chest and scowled. "None of your business."  
  
"And last, but certainly not least. Aragorn's gift!" Sam tried and failed rather horribly to lift the large parcel; Legolas rolled his eyes and handed it to Aragorn effortlessly. Sam sulked a bit, but that was as far as it went.  
  
"Sheeze, what did you guys get me, a brick wall?" Aragorn gasped at the unexpected weight before mastering himself.  
  
"Nah, it's better," Pippin grinned.  
  
Aragorn paused in his unwrapping. "Your 'better', or my 'better?'"  
  
"Yours," Legolas assured.  
  
Aragorn shrugged and pulled off the last of the paper, and his jaw dropped to the floor. "You- you- you got me the Caffeine-ator 3000*!!! The best espresso-maker known to exist!!!!"  
  
Frodo raised an eyebrow. "Really? I could've SWORN we got you the Caffiene-ator extreme 6000**, which does a lot more than make espresso."  
  
Aragorn re-read the box, and shrieked with joy as he ripped it open. With an unearthly glow and a classic soundtrack the Caffiene-ator extreme 6000 was revealed. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou *gasp* thankyouthankyou-" came at a mile a minute.  
  
"Well, that was fun," Pippin said brightly. "When's Second Breakfast?" 


	5. Dinner arrangements and Snowball fights

Yeah, yeah, I haven't updated in a while, but I got some evil worm thingy of evilness so I can't go online. *glower* My poor website- it's so alooooone  
  


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Wow. FF.net has been throwing in all these random lines in places and taking out exclamation points, quotations, etc. I don't know why. It quite frankly bugs me. Anyway  
  


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Sorry it took me so long! I hope you're still interested in some stupid Christmas fic. Hey, we need this season all the time  
  


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Anyway: To my nifty reviewers (I got kinda discombobulated and I'm not entirely sure who I've replied to already or not, so... If you review and I didn't reply, merely yell at me in your next review and I'll give you candy  
  


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Ithilin Palandriel: All I can say to you is this: don't die. It's bad. I've flushed my sister out once... Course, it's a miracle that I'm here now... And THANK YOU! (For the "you're weird part) Ooh! Daddy just gave me a Zero bar. Yummy... Anyway, this deosn't relate  
  


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Rinny Leonheart/Rikku: Wow! I just realized that I saw you at my Aragorn Diary fic! I updated it, I'm so proud of me! Anyway, thankies for giving this one a shot! We all know of Legolas and his hair obsession... It's so fun to make fun of  
  


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AshNight2: Oh, there's definitely more... It's just taking it's own sweet time to GET here. :) Thanks for flying with Reasonably Crazy Fanfics- please have a nice day.  
  
Wettlewash: YAY! Thank you!  
  
My not-physically-possibly-yet-somehow-still-existent Baby Ringwraith thinks you all are cool and he promises not to bite you.  
  
Baby Ringwraith: SCRECH!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  


* * *

  
They ate a hearty second breakfast; indeed, very hearty: Sam was most eager to use his new pots and pans and made enough pancakes to satisfy all the hungry Hobbits to the point of bursting. Aragorn had consumed enough caffeine already to keep him up until New Years, and there was general content throughout the house. Except in one person.  
  
"Hey, um, Sam?" Merry shifted uneasily from left to right as he finally spilled what had apparently been on his mind for some time. "Can I- I mean, Would it be alright if- Well, Would you allow me to- please, just this once... Cook Christmas dinner?"  
  
Dead silence filled the room as everyone stared in shock. Never once had any of them thought for a moment that Merry had any interest at all in cooking.  
  
Sam almost laughed in disbelief. "You? Why?"  
  
Merry did a nervous sort of twitch. "Well, actually, I don't think anyone else knows this, but I've actually been watching the Food Channel a lot lately..... Mostly late at night when everyone else is asleep..... And when everyone else is gone..... And sometimes even when everyone else is home- I use the TV in the attic..."  
  
"So THAT'S where you kept disappearing off to!" Pippin cried in sudden enlightenment.  
  
"Yeah, well, I've been practicing a lot at night, too, and I think I'm getting really good- I've got a whole five-course meal planned out already! So..... Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase?" Merry donned his best puppy face. It wasn't nearly as good as Frodo's, but then again, not everyone can have giant baby blue eyes that look like they've been computer-enhanced. "I know it's a big thing for you, but you've done it EVERY YEAR- can I do it just this once?"  
  
Everyone looked to Sam.  
  
"But- but- I've ALWAYS done it," Sam said, looking horrified at the very thought of his big Christmas meal being ripped away. "It's like a TRADITION....."  
  
"I know, and if I screw it up tonight, I'll never let myself watch Food Channel again, or even THINK of cooking."  
  
Sam stared at Merry. Everyone else stared at Sam. Sam suddenly noticed this and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, alright...." Merry's face brightened so much that it literally let off a faint glow, and opened his mouth to let loose a stream of thanks. "BUT, you can't use any of my new pans. I won't have them ruined on day one."  
  
"Oh, that's fine. Thank you, Sam! Thankyouthankyouthank *gasp* youthankyouthankyouthankyou....."  
  
"Oh, Stop, you're sounding like Aragorn....." Sam muttered in irritation.  
  
The mood was quickly broken as a large snowball was thrown, colliding with Gandalf's head.  
  
"PIPPIN!!!" He thundered immediately.  
  
"What?" Pippin asked innocently. "What makes you think it was me?"  
  
"Well, let's think about that," Gandalf started sarcastically, "You're the only one who's not wearing pajamas and is currently bundled up. You are the only one with gloves that are covered in snow-"  
  
"And you're the only one stupid enough," Gimli finished dryly.  
  
"Thank you, Gimli," Gandalf nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yeah, thanks," Pippin said, in an entirely different way. "Anyway, that's the general que for our annual snow ball fight!"  
  
"How did you get dressed so fast?" Frodo asked suddenly. "Not three minutes ago you were realizing where Merry disappeared off to."  
  
Pippin merely glanced at Merry, and the both of them grinned. "Well, if we told you that, we'd have to kill you."  
  
"Well, I am off to plan my revenge," Gandalf announced, sneaking towards his room. He was surprisingly competitive in their snowball fights, and the others had the distinct impression that his revenge would be exacted quite perfectly.  
  
"And I am off to find body armor," Aragorn reported. "Gimli has the nasty habit of sneaking rocks into his snowballs."  
  
"It's not a REAL snowball fight if someone's not injured," Gimli insisted. "Preferably there should be blood drawn."  
  
"Perhaps I'll go find some armor, too..." Sam said nervously, drifting towards the stairs.  
  
"Why bother?" Frodo asked, nudging him good-naturedly. "You always build the most impenetrable forts ever- no one ever makes a shot at you." Sam shrugged.  
  
Suddenly there was a screech of disbelief. Contrary to everyone's initial beliefs, it was not Legolas, but Pippin; Legolas was instead cackling madly. Pippin was trying in vain to get all of the snow out from the back of his shirt, where a large amount had been stuffed by the Elf. There was also a large amount in the youngest Hobbit's hair, suggesting there had been a snowball thrown as well.  
  
"PLEASE restrain yourselves and avoid throwing snowballs in the house!" Sam cried angrily. "Those are hardwood floors, I've just had them polished, and I WON'T have them ruined!"  
  
"Sorry Sam," Legolas said, giggling madly and not looking sorry at all, "but he deserved it."  
  
"Did not," Pippin whined, shaking out his hair and pretending he had successfully removed the slush, while in reality he had given up. "I attacked Gandalf, not you."  
  
"Ah ah ah, but the snowball fight is free-for-all, and you said it was started."  
  
Pippin looked suspiciously at them all, then turned and dashed outside. Legolas sneaked out the back door, and by the time Aragorn was prepared he was rather afraid of stepping out the front door. With good reason. When he finally summoned the courage and stepped onto the walk, he was immediately barraged with snowballs from both sides. Gasping, he crawled back to the house.  
  
"Strider! What is it?" Sam quickly rushed to Aragorn's side when he found him sprawled on the floor. Aragorn couldn't reply; if Sam hadn't known better he would have sworn the man was laughing. What Sam didn't know was that Aragorn really was. He took one look at the Gamgee, who had pillows tied all around and an old frying pan helmet, and couldn't speak, laugh, and breathe at the same time.  
  
"What 'appened, Strider?"  
  
Seeing how concerned Sam really was, Aragorn struggled to regain himself. "Pippin and Legolas- I think they've formed an alliance! They're nailing anyone who steps out that door."  
  
"You'll be safe enough, Sam," Frodo urged, coming off the stairs. "You go see if they've gone. Besides, it's GIMLI who puts rocks in his. You'll be quite safe."  
  
"I better be," Sam grumbled. He dubiously stepped onto the Welcome mat.  
  
Thlop! Thlop thlop thlop thlop thlop thlop! The balls made no impact on Sam, who was safely wrapped in pillows.  
  
"Hey!" Merry shouted from the door. "Are those MY pillows?"  
  
Sam didn't answer, but ran across the yard. "Get out of the house, Mr. Frodo!" He shouted. "I'll draw their fire!"  
  
Thlop thlop thlop thlop thlop- PIFFscitter! A well-aimed shot smacked Sam clean across the face, and he stumbled.  
  
"Augh!" Sam shouted. "I'm hit! Rocks! Rocks, Mr. Frodo! Watch for Gimli and Legolas!" His strength left him and he fell.  
  
"SAM!" Frodo called in horror. It was a rule in their game that each of them got three lives and four injuries per life. Each time they were hit, that was an injury, unless they got hit in the head; head was immediate loss of a life. Armor such as Sam's was generally disallowed because it allowed immunity to hits, but with Sam being the safety freak (and a bad snowball-thrower) he was the exception.  
  
Many had taken advantage of the diversion and were now spread all over the yard, but Merry and Gandalf had missed the window of opportunity and now eyed the flying snow just yards away warily.  
  
"Out the back, do you think?" Merry asked conversationally.  
  
"Yes, definitely out the back." Gandalf answered.  
  
They quickly dashed to the back door and peered outside. No one was in sight. "You first. Watch for Pippin; I didn't see him out front." Gandalf gave Merry a nudge.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Merry bravely dashed out across the back yard and dove behind the bushes lining the fence. Nothing stirred. Merry's head popped up. Still no flung snow. He crept out from behind the bush and dashed to a tree. Not even an attempt. Slowly he went and stood in the open, looking around. "All clear!" He finally shouted to Gandalf. He dashed around the side of the house in hopes of accomplishing an ambush.  
  
Gandalf, assured, stepped from the safety of the house and stood on the back step, fearing to go much further beyond the house's eaves just yet. Alas, he should have, for Pippin's hideout was finally revealed to him- the roof.  
  
"Heads up!" Gandalf looked up just in time to see a flashback of Caradhras come crashing down at his head.  
  
"Curse you, you tom-fool of a Took!" Gandalf shouted once he pulled himself out of the snow. Pippin was no longer visible, but his voice floated back down to the White Wizard:  
  
"One life down already, Gandalf!"  
  
Muttering sourly, Gandalf picked himself up, shook off the excess snow, and peeked around the house's side to see how the others fared. Nobody was in sight, but the sounds of battle sounded clearly from the front yard. "Perhaps some luck," Gandalf murmured as he sneaked towards the others, making sure he was under the eaves so Pippin couldn't attack from above.  
  
"Luck for me!" Shouted Frodo's voice. Only, it came from a bush. "Look out, Gandalf!"  
  
But Frodo had made a fatal mistake. Gandalf had learned from Pippin to dodge instantly, and all of Frodo's shots went astray.  
  
Gandalf let out an uncharacteristic evil laugh. "I've got you now," He grinned. He scooped up snow quick as lightning and threw it at Frodo's retreating form.  
  
PIFF! "One!" PIFF! "Two!" PIFF! "Three!" Gandalf's fourth shot, however, missed, and Gandalf sagged against the house wall in irritation as his quarry dashed out of his range. But he'd forgotten Pippin.  
  
Frodo never knew what hit him. All he knew was that at one moment, he was running and appeared to be getting away with only 3 injuries. The next think he knew he was he was face down and all he could see was white.  
  
"That's four!" Gandalf called, and Frodo turned and shook his fist. Gandalf grinned in satisfaction. Let him think it was Gandalf that struck him down. Pippin could actually be useful to him  
  


* * *

  
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* * *

  
Dun dun DUN... Will anyone else discover Pippin's hide-out? Will anyone ever get Pippin? What's happening with the other characters? Find out the next time Jackie actually UPDATES!!! 


	6. the battle rages on

A/N- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I know I'm bad! But I've been sooo insanely busy- I usually start these things when I'm on break and actually have FREE TIME, but then school starts again and my freedom dies, usually along with my muse. So yeah- I haven't really done much of anything other than school stuff: band, drama, homework, etc. Anyway, this is shorter than all of us would probably like, but it's not my fault, honest!!!  
  
More as soon as I can!  
  
I can't believe it's still Christmas Day in this thing- It's April for Pete's sake!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~  
  
"I've been meaning to ask you," Aragorn shouted to Merry as they crouched behind a bush in an attempt to hide from Legolas' fresh onslaught, "What exactly was it that you got Gandalf?" He jumped up to heave a glob of snow at the Elf's head, but instead barely missed being hit himself by a stray snowball, most likely one of Sam's. He dropped back down quickly as a perfect sphere of ice- obviously Legolas' handiwork- whistled past where his head had been moments before. Seconds later, though, to his immense satisfaction, he heard his Elf friend give an indignant cry (and an Elvish curse) as Gandalf laughed uproariously.  
  
"What, that big box that he took to his room?" Merry heaved a snowball over the high, thick walls of Sam's fort, but scowled when he heard it scatter on his frying pan "helm."  
  
"Yeah- GIMLI!" He and Merry quickly rolled out from behind their bush as an unbelievably large wad of snow came in from above. Rocks went flying as it broke on impact. They both dashed to the side of the house and went flat against it to avoid the frozen orb thrown by Frodo. "He seemed guiltily pleased by it."  
  
Merry's awkward shift turned into a dive as a surprise attack from Gandalf came their way. "Well, there was a make-your-own-beer kit," He admitted.  
  
"So?" Aragorn grunted in satisfaction as his well-aimed snowball, meant for Legolas' chest, succeeded in grazing his arm and gaining the Elf an injury; Legolas definitely wasn't the easiest target, with his natural Elvish grace. He hadn't lost a single life yet; not with the alliance he had formed with Gimli. "Pippin must have at least four of those of varying ages in the basement. Heck, I have one. Why would Gandalf care?"  
  
Merry didn't answer, but seemed grossly interested in forming his next snowball.  
  
"That wasn't all that was in there."  
  
It wasn't phrased as a question, and Merry knew he couldn't fib his way out of this one. "Well, there were one or two "Play-Istari" magazines..." He lobbed another snowball over the wall of Sam's fort. THLOP. "Curses..."  
  
"Merry, EVERYONE knows about him and his Play-Istari fetish! And I know he has no 'shrine' to it. Gimli on your left."  
  
Merry ducked accordingly. "Thanks."  
  
"No sweat. Now, what was in that box?" There was a temporary lull in the battle, and they leaned back against the wall, grateful for the rest.  
  
"You know, you REALLY probably don't want to know."  
  
Aragorn stared. "Worse than Play-Istari?"  
  
Merry nodded, his face screwing up in distaste at the memory.  
  
Aragorn gazed off into space thoughtfully. "You know what? You're right. I don't think I want to know after all." He glanced at Merry abruptly. "It's not porno, is it?"  
  
Merry shook his head quickly.  
  
"Yeah. I REALLY don't think I want to know,"  
  
"You don't," Merry nodded. He paused. "Have you seen Pippin?"  
  
"No. I'm worried- normally he's all over the place."  
  
Merry nodded as he looked around. "I'm making a break for it."  
  
"Right behind you." Aragorn watched as Merry dashed off. With an evil grin he stooped down, formed a quick sphere, and threw.  
  
"Hey!" Merry shouted once he pulled his head from the snow. He wiped the snowball's remains from his hair.  
  
"Sorry, Merry," Aragorn said in a rather un-apologetic way. "But it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."  
  
Merry scowled at him as he dashed off, the alliance between him and Aragorn clearly ended. Aragorn's evil grin didn't fade, even as he ducked one of Sam's stray snowballs. He was, however, greatly bothered by the disappearance of Pippin. What he had said earlier to Merry was literal- in the years past, Pippin had been a very wild and reckless player and he ran about the yard in frenzy. There had yet to be a sign of the Hobbit now, however, and this struck Aragorn as very wrong.  
  
Aragorn peeked around the house's corner. The alliance between Legolas and Gimli appeared to be broken now, and all the other visible players were occupied. He snuck around the back, hoping to find Pippin lurking back there, but all he saw was Merry's short form sneaking from the back to the other side, most likely to stage an ambush. Aragorn started to follow him, the vague sketchings of a plan to ambush the ambusher forming in his mind. He paused halfway on his journey there however; he had thought he had heard a noise. Nervously he slunk towards the house- just as Pippin had hoped he would.  
  
He heard a faint stomping noise- from above him? He looked up in time to see a sizable chunk of the snow that had collected on the roof come down towards him in a solid sheet. He tried to dive out of the way, but it was far too late- he was completely engulfed in snow. When he popped his head out from the whiteness he heard Pippin mutter to himself, "that was as easy as Gandalf!"  
  
Aragorn leaned up against the wall in shock. It was brilliant. They had been doing this for years, and never once had anyone thought of getting on the roof before. Why hadn't he? It was a simple tactical maneuver- get above the enemy. Pippin was virtually untouchable right now. The little bugger. The mystery of Pippin's location was no more for Aragorn. Aragorn grinned and sneaked again after Merry. 


	7. And on

Wow. This took me a lot longer than intended. Free time has been nil, and recently I was forced to write something- dun dun DUN- with ORIGINAL CHARACTERS! (Shudder gasp choke)

I really am sorry! Don't hurt me! I don't intend to abandon this, though you might. Sorry.

Writer's Block sucks. That's all I have to say.

To my lovely reviewers: Thank you all! I love you! You all get... um... um... something...

Ithilin Palandiriel: Christmas in July (and August), as ordered. ;) Thanks for your support!

Dolphingurl91- yay! Thanks for telling me so!

Longundertree- Thank you so much! I try to be comprehensible when I write- I hate it when people use bad writing technique, like AOL talk, in their stories. Thanks for approving my use of the English language- I do try. Thanks again- that's a huge compliment for me!

Chaar chee- I'm not sure whether or not I'm ever going to say... Some things are best left to the reader's imagination... evil grin Thanks for your interest, anyway.

Nienna-lavetil- heh heh... Salt Song. Thank my friend Krystee for that particular... erm... literary accomplishment. ;) Thanks for reading!

Window Girl- "I'm really glad that you don't own LOTR." Um, thanks? Hehehe... I'm pretty sure a lot of people are... But not me. sulk ;) Thanks for reading!

Enelya Took- Erm... Define "soon." Heh. Heh heh heh...

X-leiQ- Just "pretty good?!" ... Yeah, probably. ;) Thanks for reading! You make me feel warm and fuzzy!

Glorfindelrox- gee, I wonder who your favorite characters might be. ;) lol... "we wish you a Merry Brandybuck..." LOL. That's hysterical!

Tinánia Legolinde- Glad you like it! As for the part... eh... I might be able to squeeze in a cameo, but it's kinda difficult because if you don't do it right, you get nailed for having an "interactive story." I'll try to squeeze something in for ya, if I don't forget. I'll try not to!

lil Aussieroo – Thank you! I'm honored that I'm being recommended- tell your friend that I'm honored too... :)

Anyway, here you go. Sorry if I missed anyone!

BTW- I'm sorry, but I've yet to figure out how to sucessfully tab. Evil page of doom.

* * *

"Sam? Sam! I'm getting slaughtered out here. Can we call truce? Can I come in?" Frodo was currently crouching behind Sam's large snow fort, dodging snowballs from Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, and Merry. Frodo didn't hear any response from Sam, but as all the others except for Pippin and Aragorn were currently trying to end his last life, desperate actions needed to be taken. Without waiting for clear confirmation, he scuttled up the thick walls and dropped in.

Sam hastily moved out of the way in time to avoid being squished. "Good of you to drop in, Mr. Frodo," He commented. He pulled Frodo to his feet. "What's goin' on out there?"

"Last I saw, everyone was after me," Frodo said ruefully. He released Sam's assisting hand and sank back down to the ground again, leaning against the snow walls. "I haven't seen hide or hair of Pippin the entire time, though, and that quite frankly worries me."

"It'd worry me too," Sam consoled.

Frodo glanced up at him. "Have you even been wounded since Gimli got you in the beginning?"

"Only once," Sam said easily. "I got hit on the arm."

Frodo sighed in irritation. "I'm on my last life, with one injury," he said mournfully.

Any further conversation was cut off as Aragorn's cry came. "VOLLEY!!!!"

Frodo and Sam stared at each other, wide-eyed, and dove flat to the ground, huddling near the wall, and just in time. About twenty snowballs plopped down in their midst.

"Gaa," Sam muttered in irritation. "That's another wound."

"Amazingly," Frodo sat up and smiled, "I wasn't touched." Sam glared. "Oh, come on, I'm on my last life."

Sam sighed and struggled to his feet. "Well, if you're planning to stay, Mr. Frodo, get comfy."

Frodo tried to raise an eyebrow, but both came up instead. "You mean you've just been sitting here the entire time?"

Sam shrugged. "Ever since I finished my fort, anyway."

"Sam, you built this last night."

Sam shrugged again.

Meanwhile, most of the others conferred outside of the fort.

"They've called truce," Legolas complained.

"Yes, thank you Legolas, they have," Aragorn said dryly. "What do we want to do about it?"

"I say we break down those walls and wipe them both out," Gimli grumbled. "Sam hides in there every year, and Frodo deserves what he's got coming to him."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "He does?"

Gimli muttered into his beard. "Well, Pippin does, anyway, but I haven't found him yet."

"Yes," Legolas frowned. "Where IS he? He's normally quite the reckless player."

Aragorn shrugged, fighting a small grin. "Pippin doesn't matter right now. We need to decide what to do about Frodo and Sam."

"Sam always takes Frodo's side," Merry complained. "If I tried to get shelter in there he'd kill me in a minute... not unlike someone else I know." He glared darkly at Aragorn.

"Let's wipe them both out," Gandalf said gruffly. "If we're careful we can show them they're just sitting ducks."

"What are you planning?" Legolas asked suspiciously.

Gandalf grinned. "Legolas- fetch all our buckets."

* * *

Frodo shifted restlessly. Not only was he stiff from sitting in Sam's snow fort doing nothing, but the lack of sound from outside the thick icy walls was only a little suspicious.

"Are you sure we're safe, Sam?" he asked nervously.

"Of course we are, Mr. Frodo," Sam answered. "I iced the walls last night."

"I got over." Frodo pointed out, suddenly more anxious for all of Sam's soothing.

"They're trying to be silent," Sam explained. "They can't be silent and climb those icy walls. You made a lot of ruckus when you scrambled over. If they try, we'll hear them."

Frodo still wasn't satisfied. "And if we DO hear them? What sort of defense do you have in mind?"

Sam thought a moment. "I guess you don't have armor, do you, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo flung his arm over his eyes and groaned.

* * *

"Ouch! Be more careful, Sam! Now higher... higher! Whoa! Stop that!"

"If I might point out, Mr. Frodo," Sam said pointedly, with more than a little strain to his voice, "this was YOUR idea, not mine, and I am the one with you on my back."

"Yes, well," Frodo said, flailing his arms to keep his balance, "it was you who failed to have proper defenses for your little keep."

"I'm fine without defenses! It's only you that has a problem with it! You should have thought to wear armor."

"Shhh!" Frodo hissed. "I can see over the top now."

Big, blue eyes peered out over the tall white walls of Sam's sanctuary. "I don't see anyone," Frodo whispered. A very bad feeling crept over him. "This is wrong."

"You're right about that," Sam mumbled to himself, wincing and trying to keep both his and Frodo's balance.

Frodo, ignoring him, looked right and left distrustfully. With more daring than he thought he possessed, (sure, he'd faced many foes bravely on his trek to Mount Doom so long ago, but none of those enemies had carried hard spheres of packed ice) Frodo brought his head completely clear of the protection of the walls.

No attack came. Frodo sucked in his breath. "Sam, I thank you for your protection, but I've got to get out of here. I, for one thing, don't have any armor for any attacks, and besides, I'm not as patient as you."

Summoning the most of his bravery, Frodo pushed off Sam's back ("Ow!") and swung his legs over the peak of Sam's fort. As quietly as possible, he slid down the iced rampart and fled across the yard.

* * *

Pippin huddled near the chimney, a bit too cautious to stand full up. Each time he did, it made him easier to spot. True, the only people who could really spot him right now were in Sam's fort; (the others had gone into the house to get supplies to storm Sam's "castle,") but it was better to play safe then not play at all, which was what would happen if he fell of the roof. If the fall didn't kill him literally, the others would be on him quick enough and kill him out of the game.

Besides, he reasoned to himself, if he stood now, he might make enough noise for those in the house now to alert them of his location. It was pure luck that neither Gandalf nor Aragorn had told the others; they probably planned to let Pippin wipe out the others for them. That was fine by Pip, so long as he got to do some damage on the knowledgeable ones.

Pip allowed a small smug smile to creep across his face. He couldn't believe nobody had thought of this before. And though the whole stealth thing wasn't his usual style, it certainly had some perks, he'd decided. He could tell that the others were definitely off-set by his absence, and so far he was in peak condition, while all the others were down at least one life, most two. He would admit, though... It did have its boring moments. He yawned and leaned his head back against the bricks. At least he was merely bored, not tired. The others, except perhaps Sam, were feeling some pulls of fatigue. Pippin sighed in satisfaction. Too bad he couldn't do something like this next year, too. This was one of those things that only worked once. Good thing he'd thought of it first.

A perhaps imagined noise yanked Pippin's attention. Carefully he crept nearer to the roof's lip and peeked over. To his surprise, he saw Frodo slipping over the edge of the stronghold and running across the yard. That was something he hadn't expected from the ex-ringbearer. He must have caught wind of the plotter's plans and made a break for it while the coast was relatively clear. Smart man. Well, Hobbit.

Pippin chewed his lip thoughtfully. If he attacked Frodo now, Frodo would know who had attacked him and where he'd been attacked from. Pippin considered the results of creaming his cousin. Pro: Frodo would be out of the game. Con: There would be absolutely nothing to keep his cousin from telling the world of his position. Pippin gnawed his lip more forcefully. He wasn't sure if he was ready to give away his position already, but... He was _right there!_ Frodo was currently browsing about for a good hiding spot- "good" being one that didn't have one of Gimli's "secret stashes" of snowballs nearby. Gimli always returned for his secret stashes, and though they weren't really secret, he acted like they were. To use one of his snowballs would mean death.

Pippin, nearly unconsciously, gathered a vast amount of snow and held it as though he were unsure what to do with it. Which he was. It was so tempting... So very tempting... But the results could be disastrous. Pippin jumped as he heard Frodo's unexpected indignant cry:

"Who killed me? Where did that come from? Who killed me? PIPPIN!"

Pippin froze in shock as he realized he no longer held his ball of snow. He gazed down helplessly on his cousin, who was furiously shaking snow out of his hair and glaring coldly. It had simply been too much of an opportunity to pass up for Pippin, apparently no matter what his conscious self said, and now Frodo was dead and Pippin's cover was blown.

* * *

More soon- I hope! 


	8. And on!

A/N- Sorry the update took so long in coming about! It's a pretty lengthy one (7 pages!), though, so I hope you don't kill me. Squee! I get to see Sean Astin this Thursday! SQUEE!

Blatant advertising: Go see my new website; it's version two, new and improved and almost entirely up and running. (okay, well, maybe not almost, but it's got a good thing going, anyway.) The link's in my profile, because they won't let me put it here. Grrrr.

BTW- I had promised myself that I would finish the snowball fight this chapter because it feels like it's dragging. You know what? I lied. But it's almost over, I promise! 

Reviewers: I believe this is the second time I've answered to a few of you. I'm sure you won't complain.

Tin: Hey, thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you like it! But I fear I won't be able to allow any cameos. One of my favorite authors did that and froze her for a month and threatened to close her down completely if she did it again. (The story was taken down, too. Sniffy!) Sorry, though!

Glorfindelrox: ADORABLE Merry Brandybuck song! Very cute. And will Legolas ever grow up? No. Not if I can help it.

x-leiO: Thanks! Um… I'm glad you exist.

Enelya Took: Define "soon."

Window Girl: What do you MEAN you're glad I don't own LOTR?! I find that very insulting! I'd make it better! BETTER I say! … Actually, you're probably right. ;)

Nienna-yavetil: You mean it's not real long yet? This is 40 pages, and it's still mid-morning! :) I'm glad you like it, though.

ChaarChee: Just so you know, as for what was in Gandalf's box… I'm not telling. : I think you'd like it less than not knowing. It's just one of those things… Like Pat's gender on Saturday Night Live.

Ithilin Palandiriel: How 'bout Christmas in December again? I know, I know, I'm such a bad person!

Long under tree: Thank you! Parodies like those bug me too, so I try to avoid doing it myself. I'm glad to hear that I'm succeeding! Thanks again!

Dolphingurl91: It's funny? Cool!

Baileymag: Pippin: Master of stealth… some of the time. ;) I'm glad that you think it's going to well! OOH, I feel warm and fuzzy now!

888

"THE ROOF!" Frodo called, alerting all remaining players. "He's on the roof! Pippin's on top of the house!"

Uh oh. Pippin had to act fast. He got to the section of overhang over the front door just as a majority of those lurking inside burst out. With little time to act, much less think, Pippin stomped down hard on the sleet-covered roof and prayed that his timing was right. The indignant cries of Gimli, Legolas, and Merry rewarded him.

"I'm out," Gimli grumbled.

"Me too," Merry complained. They went to join Frodo as they all glared balefully at Pippin.

Aragorn and Gandalf had both been aware of Pippin's hiding spot and were able to avoid losing another life at his small but delightfully evil hands. Now that all knew of the hobbit's hiding spot, full-out battle was finally upon them. Sam's fort was forgotten as revenge against Pippin became more important.

"Stay back!" Pippin ordered forcefully as he held up a snowball. The others paced the house, all thoughts of other players forgotten; all that mattered was a way to get up to the roof and to the hobbit that needed to die. "Stay back!" Pippin warned again. "I've been keeping tabs on all of you! Legolas- You've only got one more life left! And you, Aragorn, you've got two more injuries before you die! You're easy pickings where I stand! You've not a chance! Stay back! Surrender and admit that I'm superior!" Pippin was feeling quite in control by this point, nearly convincing himself that the other players were at his mercy. This feeling lasted a moment or two longer, then ended abruptly as Legolas, Aragorn, and Gandalf began laughing their heads off.

Possibly the worst mistake they could have possibly made. Overtaken by mirth, their lack of oxygen rendered them incapable of possessing complete control of their bodies and unable to perform what were normally everyday activities. Including handy things like dodging and standing erect. Therefore, Legolas received a new injury from the determined hobbit skulking on the roof. Aragorn's life's end became a tantalizing snowball away when he was caught unaware (while taunting Legolas) by a backstabbing shot by Gandalf the White. (No, seriously, Gandalf the WHITE. He hadn't been so covered in snow since Caradhras.)

Aragorn, enraged, brought a fistful of snow up for retribution, but Legolas stayed his hand. "Wait!" the Elf cautioned. "Wait until the opportune moment." Aragorn's eyebrow arched. "For example," Legolas continued, "After the hobbits are dead." He took Aragorn's snow ball and crushed it, annunciating his words by dropping a chunk of it to the ground. "Every… Last… One."

"Do you have ANY idea how ominous that sounded?" Sam complained from his fort.

Legolas flashed a toothy grin. "Oh yes, I did."

Frodo and Merry shivered. "I almost feel sorry for Pippin and Sam," Frodo whispered.

"Yeah," Merry agreed. "Almost."

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Pippin had felt a vague sense of unease ever since Frodo had alerted the others. Actually, that wasn't quite true. There had been a fierce stab of panic when Frodo announced Pippin's location, and the emotion had tapered down to vague unease. Unfortunately, that vague unease was in danger of being replaced by a fiercer form again as Aragorn, Gandalf, and Legolas huddled together and spoke in voices lower than Pippin could catch. The only thing Pippin was able to hear was a few sporadic cackles of insane laughter, none of which were really all that comforting.

"Are you done plotting yet?" Pip shouted. He uselessly chucked another snowball, which landed atop a decent pile of other wasted shots. No matter what kind of advantage he had over the others, there were still some things that couldn't replace a hobbit's short arms.

"Almost!" Legolas shouted back. Another cackle erupted from Aragorn. There was no doubt about it; vague unease had definitely been replaced by a very real, all-present sense of obvious unease. Pippin gnawed his now seriously chapped lower lip and added more snowballs to the pile of already prepared ammo. He would be fine as long as he could hold the roof. Right? He sighed. Definitely more ammo.

"Alright, Aragorn, you can stop freaking Pippin out now."

Aragorn grinned. "But it's so much FUN, Legolas. You should try it."

"Yes, you should," Gandalf agreed.

"We need to figure this out, first. Then we can cream the hobbit and finish this for ourselves."

"Alright then, Master Elf, what would you suggest?"

"Well, someone should keep Pippin busy as a main distraction. The rest of us can scale a trellis or something. We need to get him! Stats?"

"One life left," Aragorn grumbled. "Thanks Gandalf."

"Think nothing of it," Gandalf replied airily. "I myself have one three more injuries before I'm out."

"Care to make it two?" Aragorn asked.

Legolas unconsciously began braiding his hair. "Okay. I also have three lives. Gandalf, you and I have the most lives, so one of us should be the distraction. However, I'm the more agile of the two of us, so Aragorn and I will stage the ambush, you'll stay in front."

Gandalf didn't quite pout, but it was a close thing. "Why can't I go and leave Aragorn to be the bait?"

"Because you deserve to be the bait, especially after you stabbed me in the back!"

Gandalf frowned. "I didn't stab you in the back. I just hit you with a snowball in the back."

"Right," Aragorn growled. "Anyway, the bait is more likely to get hit. If I get hit, you're short an anti-Pippin. If you're hit, we still have the same amount of people, just more injuries."

"You're using that "united we stand, divided we fall" drivel, aren't you."

"What do you mean, 'drivel?'" Aragorn burst. "You used that all through the Third Age!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it? I wasn't lynched."

Aragorn muttered quietly a vast quantity of elvish obscenities.

"That's not appropriate," Legolas said severely, reminding Aragorn to behave for the first time in a long time. There was a period when Legolas was as old and stern as no other, but too much time around childish hobbits was a nice cure for that.

"I think it would serve best if Gandalf kept Pippin's attention, while Legolas and I split up around back and try to get on the roof from different areas," Aragorn advised.

"How is that 'united?'" Gandalf asked incredulously.

"We're all trying to get Pippin," Aragorn answered coolly. Gandalf grumbled.

"Do we have an accord?" Legolas asked in exasperation.

"Agreed," Aragorn said quickly.

"Agreed," sighed Gandalf.

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Pippin was caught by surprise as what seemed more like a snow cannon-ball missed him by mere miles.

"Really, Gandalf, is that the best you can do, old man?" Pippin taunted.

"Respect your elders!" Gandalf shouted. He swiveled a literal snow-cannon and fired it with a sloppy 'plooth'ing noise directly at the hobbit, who squeaked and dropped to his stomach. "I was just trying to get your attention the first time!"

"It worked," Pippin admitted, getting to his feet and seeking cover behind the chimney. "Did you make that thing?"

"Merry's idea," Gandalf said modestly, loading it again with a fresh snowball the size of Pippin's head. Pippin gulped.

"You know, you could do a lot of damage with that to Sam's fort," Pippin said in what he hoped was an off-handed manner, stalling for time. It didn't bode well that Aragorn and Legolas had disappeared. He blocked out Gandalf's reply and focused his decent hearing on sounds from the sides of the house.

Nothing. Oh, come on, Pippin thought, sure, you're and elf and a ranger, but you can't be silent all the time….

_Crack_. Ah ha… the trellis. Gandalf's snow-cannon was merely a distraction, though it was certainly a dangerous one. Pippin started sidling towards the edge of the roof, then froze. He should wait to let Gandalf know he was on to where one of the attackers was. He racked his brains; he shouldn't delay long; it would be best to get the invaders before they got on the roof. Suddenly it came to him… When he was a young hobbit-lad, he used to swindle his mother and sisters with a handy little trick Merry had taught him. As long as he stayed out of sight of Merry, this should work beautifully.

"No, really," Pippin's voice said from behind the chimney, "Sam's been holed up in there for ages; he's as well off as me." The hobbit himself was well away from the chimney and very near to the trellis.

"I'm not taking my eyes off you," Gandalf snarled. "I'm going to stay right here and shoot you down the moment you set foot out from behind there."

Pippin was almost to the trellis now. He again threw his voice to the chimney. "Well then I'm not likely to, am I?"

Gandalf's reply was too quiet for Pip to hear. Uh oh. This could get interesting.

"I really think you should attack Sam," said the chimney.

"Mumble humph mumble mumble," retorted Gandalf.

"Once I'm out of the way, there's nothing to stop Aragorn and Legolas from using you to get rid of Sam, and then getting you afterwards," the chimney persuaded. "You'd better do it now, just to get it out of the way, since I'm not moving from my secure spot."

There was some muffled laughter and more unintelligible speech. Pippin peeked over the rim of the gutter to see Aragorn falling off the demolished trellis in disgust. Its lovely white wood couldn't quite stand up to the man's weight. Pippin snickered and sneaked away.

"How'd you make that cannon, anyway?" The chimney asked in interest.

There was a touch of poorly-disguised pride in Gandalf's long and still incomprehensible answer. Even without hearing, Pippin could have summed it up into one word: magic.

"Aren't cannon-explosions hot?" Pippin's voice asked from the bricks again. "How does it work, if it's made of cold snow?"

There was another indecipherable speech. Once again, in one word, the answer was magic.

Pippin was slowly making his way across the roof, heading towards the large tree that he had used to get up. If Legolas was attempting to get onto the roof, that was the way he'd be doing it. He started gathering snowballs, just in case.

"So, Gandalf," Pippin said conversationally, "While I wait here, behind the chimney, because I couldn't possibly be anywhere else, I have to ask you, how did you get stuck with being the bait?"

He was at the section of the roof where a tree branch overlapped the gutter; Pippin held back nervously. What if Legolas was right where Pippin couldn't see him?

Gandalf's reply took a suspicious edge, and instantly Pippin realized his mistake. Pippin wasn't supposed to know that the old wizard was a distraction.

Cautiously, Pippin looked down over the edge. Legolas was crouching on the lowest branch, talking to Aragorn.

"Well, it's only natural, isn't it? I know you guys too well."

Legolas and Aragorn both popped their heads up and looked straight at Pippin, who froze in horror. He'd forgotten to throw his voice!

"He's over here!" Aragorn hollered, running 'round the house to alert Gandalf while Legolas scampered up deeper into the tree.

Pippin threw a snowball blindly into the thick boughs of the tree. Though there weren't any concealing leaves, the slender elf could easily hide behind a thick branch, which for the moment he was.

This was bad. Here on the roof, Pippin had no cover, and Legolas could easily pick him out. If Legolas ever actually made it onto the roof, the short hobbit wouldn't have a chance. For the moment, Legolas was taking advantage of his protection and throwing snowballs from behind the trunk, quickly getting Pippin two injuries. However, ammo in the tree was extremely limited, and Legolas was running low already. Every wasted shot was cutting down his supply more and more.

A couple weak snowballs came from ground-level… Aragorn wasn't going to take this sitting down. A few cannon-balls came whistling by, too, even though for the moment the wizard was firing blind. Things had just gotten a lot more interesting. Due to Aragon and Gandalf's less-than-helpful help, Legolas couldn't safely get onto the roof, and as for Pippin, he was easily avoiding the shots.

"Cease fire!" Legolas cried from the tree. "Cease fire!"

While Legolas was occupied with getting Aragorn and Gandalf to listen, Pippin made use of his brief window of opportunity. He darted to the edge of the roof, took less than perfect aim, then groaned as it hit Aragon's shoulder. He had been hoping for a head shot…

But to Pippin's surprise, Aragorn cried aloud as if he'd actually been injured. It reminded Legolas of the time when the two of them and Gimli thought Merry and Pippin had been killed; Aragorn had kicked a helmet and let out a cry so loud and full of anguish that you'd think he had broken his toe or something.

"That's it. I'm out! I'm dead!" He glared terribly up at the hobbit, with good reason. In all the many years of this tradition, Pippin had never, ever outlasted the ranger.

Pippin stood stunned at the edge of the roof, staring. He had thought Aragorn still had an injury left, but suddenly, for the first time in history, Pippin had beaten Aragorn in the Christmas Snowball Fight. By standing stunned, however, he had given Legolas the exact opportunity he needed to get safely onto the roof, and even fire a snowball at Pippin… A snowball to the head.

Pippin found himself now down to two lives, but more importantly, he feared for his real one as he teetered dangerously at the end of the roof where he'd been standing. Legolas, alarmed, dashed forward and grabbed the hobbit's arm and pulled him away from the edge. Once Pippin regained his balance, he looked up at Legolas and shouted "Hey, no physical contact!" and fired his spare snowball straight into the elf's face.

Legolas was astonished. He had planned on letting Pippin go after he'd caught him and then getting the small _perian_ with a snowball before he could escape too far. Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong here. And now, just like that, he was out of the game. Legolas shook his head. He usually WON these things.

Pippin pulled away from the flabbergasted elf, numb with disbelief… and a good amount of cold weather. He only had two foes left now: Gandalf and Sam. But who to take first? Sam would be difficult because of his fort… It usually took even the larger players a good deal of effort to pull it down. Gandalf, on the other hand, well, he was another matter entirely. Sure, he may be old, but somehow all the arthritis and rheumatism and aches and pains he complained of throughout the year disappeared during this fight, if not all of Christmas Day. He was surprisingly spry and unendingly crafty. Pippin considered this an understatement as he ducked a snow-cannonball. Shrewd little bugger, Gandalf was.

What to do, what to do. Pippin crouched down and crawled on his belly to the edge of the roof. The instant he stuck his eyebrows over Gandalf fired a swift missile, and Pippin was forced to pull quickly back. Getting Gandalf was going to be no stroll in the shire. And as for Sam?

Pippin crawled towards the other end of the roof. Pippin could probably fire a bunch of snowballs into Sam's fort; it was close enough… Pippin stood carefully, and when no assault came, he wound up and threw his snowball. It arced high, up, then down, scattering audibly on Sam's frying pan helmet. Pippin wrinkled his nose in irritation. He had no idea how to deal with this.

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A/N- I don't know if throwing your voice actually works like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. But you know what? This, my friends, is a work of fiction. Bwaha.

PS- I really wish the lines worked.


	9. And still on!

I'm sorry it took me so long to update, guys… and gals… Please forgive me! I've been rather uninspired recently, and theatre was winning over writing time. (Would you believe I've been the old woman in every play this year? Rediculous…)

Anyway, sorry again… A rather unsatisfying update, I know, and I apologize… Anyway, here you are.

(shrugs lamely)

* * *

Gandalf sniggered as he waited calmly for Pippin to pass into his line of sight. This was the most interesting snowball fight they'd ever had… with the possible exception of the time when Gimli had tried to make Aragorn coffee and accidentally put in 35 shots of espresso.

The top of Pippin's head became visible as he snuck a peek over the roof, and Gandalf fired. A miss; Pippin's head quickly disappeared and didn't make its presence known again.

All he needed to do now was pick off the two hobbits. Sam shouldn't present much a problem, Gandalf thought, eyeing the snow fortress. His cannon could deal with that. In fact, Pippin shouldn't be a problem either. Now the hobbit was trapped on the roof, while he- Gandalf- was out of range and Sam was too well protected to be harmed. Gandalf fought down a cackle of glee and waited. He could do this.

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Pippin paced as best he could, gnawing his lip. He couldn't feel it at the moment, numb as it was, and later its soreness would remind him that it isn't wise to gnaw one's lip so much. But, as mentioned, he couldn't feel it at the time, so chewing on it presented no problems.

He really, really did not know what to do. He had two enemies left and had no way to reach either without giving up the roof. The Battle of the Roof over, and Pippin emerging the victor, he was reluctant to release it now. He had to admit, though, it had lost its helpfulness. Pippin needed the roof no longer. He looked across the top towards Gandalf, then down at Sam's fort. He had an idea… Risking it all, he took a running start and leapt of the edge of the roof.

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Sam started in surprise, then stared in shock as Pippin landed right next to him in his fort. The Took moaned something that sounded like "aaauugh," shook his snow-slathered head, then raised his arms defensively.

"TRUCE! TRUCE!"

Sam was too stunned to say much of anything. Pippin took advantage of this.

"Okay, Sam, before you come to your senses and start throwing snow at me and kill me, I beg for, um, um… mercy? Oh!" The Took's face lit up like a jack-o-lantern. "Sanctuary! I plead Sanctuary!"

This shook Sam out of his stupor. "This isn't a cathedral!"

"You don't need a cathedral to plead sanctuary!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"DO NOT!"

"Do TOO!"

"Go ask Gandalf!"

"Fine! I will!"

Pippin watched, astonished, as Sam scrabbled over the walls and out of the safety of his fort. Pippin built a slipshod step out of snow, then stood tenderly on it to peek over the high crystalline ramparts. Peregrin couldn't believe his icy green eyes. Sam marched right up to the elderly wizard, who was rolling his slightly misshapen snow-cannon around the house.

The moment Sam's brain registered what had just occurred was visible. There was a slight vibration of realization throughout his entire body before he stood stock still. "Peregrin Took!" the hobbit screamed, then turned and ran back at the walls.

Gandalf was already in action, training his snow cannon carefully on the perfect target that was the fleeing hobbit's back. Sam was halfway back to his invaded fortress when Gandalf fired. Sam never saw it coming, but that was actually quite alright. The spell on Gandalf's weapon was weakening, and the warped barrel of the cannon sent the near-lethal missile careening far off course. It whizzed right over Sam's frying pan-covered head, heading straight for Pippin's noggin, which was half-visible behind the fort's walls.

Pippin's eyes widened and he froze in a mixture of shock and terror. Fortunately, however, just when his doom seemed assured, the sloppy step of slush he had formed dissolved beneath him and Gandalf's weapon harmlessly (though perhaps a bit wetly) ruffled the hobbit's hair.

Gandalf and Sam stared in awe as the back wall of Sam's fort exploded with the impact of the wizard's cannonball. Masses of slush that had been the hind wall were jettisoned into the air, and the front wall slumped pathetically. There was a muffled yelling from Pippin beneath the slopping of snow, then silence. Witnesses half expected to see smoke and flames rising from the destruction; instead, the sun came out and gave the white ground a heavenly glow.

Nobody moved; nobody dared. The quiet stretched and the silence grew thicker.

Finally, a noise. "Urp," gulped Merry from the open doorway of the house.

Merry's noise seemed to give the all-clear, and the silence thinned and the quiet lifted.

"Do you think he's dead?" whispered Sam hoarsely.

"Nah," Gandalf said calmly, "Even if he did get hit in the head by the snow, he would still have another life left."

"I meant literally!"

"Oh. No, I shouldn't expect so."

Nonetheless, it was with dreaded caution that the two remaining players crept around either side of the remaining wall of the fort, and it was with equal slowness that the rest of the fellowship slunk from the house to rubberneck.

Gandalf and Sam disappeared behind the wall. Merry, Frodo, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli held their breath.

_Thlup! _Gandalf began cursing and stalked out from behind the snow barrier, wiping snow from his beard. "FOOL OF A TOOK!" he screamed.

Merry began giggling hysterically behind his hand, while Legolas and Gimli openly pointed and laughed at the wizard. Aragorn hid a smile before dashing to see how the final duel between the two remaining hobbits would play out, the rest trailing eagerly behind.

The battle was already in full-swing by the time the rest of the Fellowship got there. Sam appeared to have the advantage with his armor, but it also hindered him. Pippin had no protection, but because of that he had greater agility and easily evaded Sam's shots. Legolas and Gimli excitedly began taking bets.

A well-aimed ball from Sam grazed Pippin's arm, and a fierce sphere of Pippin's knocked Sam's "helmet" clean off. "Stats! Stats!" Frodo called, "Give us your stats!"

"We're each on our last life," Pippin called breathlessly, ducking to evade Sam's snowball.

"Master Took here's got two injuries," Sam panted, "While I've not got none."

"You would if you weren't wearing your armor," Pippin muttered darkly.

Sam's loss of his helmet seemed to give him a new desperation. Despite the cold air there was a line of sweat on his brow, and a tenseness visible even beneath his pillow body armor showed he was fighting the urge to grab his frying pan. Finally the feeling of helplessness proved too much for him, and he lunged for it.

Pippin, seeing his opening, sent a perfectly formed snowball at Sam's head. It flew straight and true, with a slight spin that reflected the sunlight and dazzled the eyes of the viewers.

_WAPffht!_ Just in time, Sam brought the frying pan swinging around and batted the snowball away like it was an attacking orc. Pippin pitched the snowballs, Sam swung at them, each time a perfect hit.

"This isn't baseball," Merry shouted to the combatants.

"Come on, Sam," Legolas urged, "I've got twenty on you!"

"Learn to pitch," Gimli growled at Pippin. "He'd better win," the dwarf added conspiratorially to Aragorn, "I haven't got a twenty!"


	10. And off, at long last

XxXxXxXxXx

To my loverly and extremely patient reviewers… And the not-so-patient ones…

I finally updated. I was in the musical and then the play and then I was lazy. I don't really have an excuse except that I was attacked by mad Amish people. Even though it wasn't very nice, I couldn't get mad at them because Amish people are really, really cool.

So… here is more… The snowball fight ends at last! Ah hahahaha!

TheMagesticMoose- Go You! You're a very supportive reviewer! For that, this chapter is dedicated to you. It doesn't really change the content of the chapter at all, but it's all for you anyways.

Enelya Wood- I'm glad you liked it! (And that you said so). I Updated when I could… granted, there were several times I COULD have before now… but I can now, too.

TheMushroomCommander- Hey, the Christmas season was… ((checks calendar)) SIX months ago, and we need the Christmas spirit now more than ever!

Altaria Artanis- I wouldn't say Sam's stupid… just open to suggestion. And I'm sure Pippin hears your cheers. Hehe… I rhymed.

Changeofheart18782- YAY! In-character is what I strive for. Your wish is my command. And I command you to read more.

LoTRwriter27- Got five bucks?

Admiral Ducky- I can't say honestly if I like dragons that breathe carrots, as I've never met one personally. Though I do get on well with the dragon that breathes turnips, so I may like the carrot-breathing ones, too. And I like my screen name, too. It's mine. No touchy. . .

Malozing- LOL! Thanks!

Almostinsane- I'm glad you like it. But both sniggered and snickered are acceptable terms to describe a kind of demeaning laughter.

If I missed any lovely reviewers, I love you, I'm sorry, and have a muffin!

XxXxXxXxXx

There was an uneasy pause in the game, where Sam and Pippin ignored each other and focused on breathing. Their audience grumbled in irritation at the delay in action, but the two hobbits were _tired_, Sam especially. Though the pillows protected him well, they made each movement take nearly twice the energy than it would take were his limbs unhampered.

Sam eyed Pippin nervously; his opponent seemed perfectly content to extend the slight respite for a little longer. Sam's fingers twitched for a snow ball. If he could only catch him off guard…

Likewise, Pippin carefully surveyed Sam through his peripheral vision. One quick shot to the head, and it would be over. He bent over, hands on his knees, pretending to catch his breath.

Sam crouched, pretending to loosen the constrictive hold of his leg armor.

"Yaaargh!"

"Raaaauugh!"

Simultaneously, both combatants grabbed a pile of snow and, not even taking the time to form it into a proper projectile, flung it blindly towards the other.

_Wupth._ Pippin cried out as he was blinded by whiteness.

_Plfffh._ Sam grunted as his mouth filled with slush.

Pippin wiped his eyes. Sam spat. They stared at each other in a confused silence, which was broken moments later by Legolas and Gimli turning on each other.

"You owe me a twenty!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So wait," Merry started as they all trudged sloppily into the house, "who won?"

"He did," Pippin and Sam said wearily, pointing at each other.

"It was a tie, Merry." Aragorn elucidated.

"It was a tie, and I'm tired," Gandalf commented, covering an oversized yawn with a theatrical flourish.

"Ah yes, now comes Gandalf's favorite Christmas tradition," Frodo remarked wryly, a shadow of a smirk apparent.

"Drinking 'till you pass out!" Gimli cried, raising an imaginary mug. He then drained the imaginary beer and hiccupped.

"Passing out," Gandalf amended, flopping into His Chair with an almighty squelch.

"Do what you like," Legolas said, tossing his wet hair, "but I'm changing into dry clothes. After I take a shower," he added as an afterthought.

"Let me go to the bathroom first," Sam warned, shedding sopping pillows as he skittered up the staircase.

"And I," Pippin announced, "am going to eat." Merry followed him into the kitchen.

After everyone had recuperated from the ferocious snowball fight and changed into dry clothes, there was a general aura of uncharacteristic calm over the house as they all settled into the cozy living room.

Gandalf was sprawled comfortably on the couch, Aragorn was nursing his eighth cup of "javajavajavajava," and the others were involved in a particularly violent game of Killer Uno.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and everyone looked at each other challengingly; every expression read, "Well I'M not getting up."

Finally Aragorn sighed. "I've got it."

"Uno," Merry warned.

The others heard the door squeak open, and then there was a squeak of an entirely different nature, rapidly followed by a house-shaking _thump_.

Curious, everyone except for Gandalf (who appeared unconscious) abandoned their game to see the source of the sounds. Merry was about to win, anyway.

They came to the hall to see a somewhat overwhelmed Aragorn sprawled on the floor and beset by an enthusiastic Arwen, who was busy snogging her hubby for all she was worth. Towering above the couple, positively reeking of disapproval, was Elrond.

After a moment, Aragorn spoke around Arwen's lips. "Hi dad."

Elrond snorted.

After a while, they managed to pry Aragorn and Arwen apart and started a whole new round of Killer Uno, this time the two new arrivals included.

"I can't believe you've never learned how to play Uno, Ada," Arwen giggled.

"Uno I've played," Elrond corrected, frowning fiercely. "This is NOT Uno."

"Nope," Frodo agreed. "It's Killer Uno."

Everyone jumped as Sam laid down a card and slapped it, but then everyone hastily followed suit. Everyone except Elrond.

"You have to draw four cards now," Aragorn told the elf lord.

"What? Why?"

"He played a nine," Gimli explained, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You have to slap the nines, and whoever's last has to draw four cards."

"That's got to be the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard in my life," Elrond muttered, drawing from the pile. "When are your brothers getting here?" He added to Arwen.

"Elladan and Elrohir are coming, too?" Legolas perked up. He and Aragorn had always gotten on well with the twins.

"Mmm-hmmm," Arwen nodded, playing a blue zero and trading her seven-card hand for Pippin's four-card hand. Pippin scowled. "I think Faramir and Eowyn are coming too."

"That will be nice," Merry remarked absently, then froze in the middle of putting down his next card. "That will make twelve," he said slowly. "Twelve people. It's almost three o' clock! I've got to get supper started!" He threw down his hand and dashed to the kitchen and slammed the sliding door shut.

Everyone stared after him for a moment. The door slid back open a few seconds later, and Merry's head popped back out. "Don't come in!" He shouted shrilly, then slammed the door shut again.

There was a pause. "What just happened?" Arwen asked.

Sam sighed heavily and glowered at his hand.

"Merry coerced Sam into letting him fix Christmas dinner," Frodo explained.

Elrond, despite himself, allowed a slight flicker of surprise flash across his face. "How did he manage THAT?"

Pippin snorted. "Lots of wheedling."

Elrond's eyebrows arched. "Maybe Arwen and I should escape while we still have a chance."

"Oh, give the lad a chance," Gimli chuckled. "I've not seen him this excited since… since…"

"Ever," Pippin supplied.

"Maybe I ought to go check on him," Sam said, casting a longing glance towards the kitchen doors. "Just in case he-"

"Sam," Frodo admonished, "You leave him alone. What would you do if someone walked in on you while you were cooking Christmas dinner?"

Sam brandished an imaginary saucepan. "I'd smack him a good one."

"Exactly," Frodo nodded. "Stay out of there."


End file.
